For those of you who watch my favorite show “The Game” you will get how hilarious the title of this entry is. For those of you who don’t get it… the message will still be made very clear, and you can youtube “punk ass chauncy” to get the joke.
It’s been about a month since I’ve blogged. I started a new job with those good benefits, so I’ve had to put writing for enjoyment on pause. But, it was only a matter of time until some complete and utter fuckery played out.
Last November, I was in the lunch cafeteria getting my mid-day snack…. frozen yogurt mixed with granola (mmmm) when my phone began to vibrate. I opened the pic message to find two woman each holding a little girl...one of the women being my mother and that little ball of cuteness being me! The text read: “Hey Jessica! It’s your god sister Denisha! I got your number from your mom. It’s been way too long and I figured we are too grown now not to have a relationship.” Truth was… she was right. We started a friendship.
She’s from Florida. When I was 11 our moms took us to a taping of “The Kenan and Kel Show”. After that, I knew I wanted to work in TV. I promised Denisha that I would come soon. Well, the next month I was laid off thus having to postpone my trip. Don’t you hate it when that happens?
At the end of April I received the blessing of a lifetime. I told Denisha once my paychecks started coming in I would be on the next thing smoking to Florida. Around this same time one of my really good guy friends moved down there. I like to keep “What is this? Velvet?” lawsuit free and will call this dude “Chauncy” so he cannot come after me for defamation of character.
I have known Chauncy for 12 years now. Seeing that I’m only 24… that’s a long time! Half my life! We met in 7th grade, went to HS together (until I transferred schools) and eventually wound up a couple of drunkards at the same college.
Have you ever had that one friend that is just fun to be around? That would be Chauncy! He comes from great stock (home training lol), extremely smart, very positive, approachable, and funny. The fact that he was a super star athlete never in the least bit made him egotistical. I’ve always been proud of him. Not strictly based off his accomplishments, but simply by the way he has always presented himself in the way he treated others, but most importantly how he treated me. He is also a team player, works well with others, excellent multitasking and organization, and has great verbal and written communication (HAHAHAHA j/k with that last part, but it was sounding like I was writing this man a letter of recommendation.) But really, I could never say enough good things that would totally capture the essence of who he is. That was my boy! Until this weekend. Never in a million years did I think TRIFLIN would be a word used to describe Chauncy… and his punk ass.
Friday I left the hustle and bustle and went to Tampa.
Sister “OMG!”
Me “HEEEEYYYY GURL!!!!!!”
Sister “Sis, you know you are looking EXTRA New York right now! You stick out something serious!” (she starts cracking up)
I guess my blunt bangs, black “MC Hammer” pants, “Kanye” popped colla jean jacket, “Mr. T” silver chains and the sandal boots I was rockin was a bit out of control. I looked like the dark skinned love child of Rihanna and Keri Hilson. We got in the car. I quickly rolled down the window letting the wind hit me in the face like an excited puppy.
Sister “Why your head all out the window?”
Me “When do I EVER ride shot gun!!!!!! My butt stays on the subway or the backseat of a cab! I’m enjoying myself! (getting distracted) “Yall have so many beautiful trees down here!”
Sister (cracking up) “I guess they don’t have trees in the big city”
Me “Nope…. Hold up! Is that a DILLARDS!!!!!! STOP THE CAR!”
Sister (cracking up) “You live in the Mecca of shopping! You write for fashion mags! Why do you want to shop in Tampa?”
Me “Because NY does not have Dillards…. And fashion mags only get clothes in a size 2…. Never in life have I, or will I be a size 2.”
(I made her take me to 3 Dillards over the weekend- hehehehehehe)
Walking into her Townhouse.
Me “IS THIS YOU????? It is soooooooo pretty!” (All my NY friends can attest that once you leave the city we become ppl who act like we have never been exposed to anything in our lives. We are cramped on top of one another, so when we go someplace with decent square footage… it’s like walking into a mansion.)
Sister “Thank you! I’ll show you around!”
Me “You have a dish washer! You have a laundry room! OMG! Your room is huge! YOU HAVE 3 BATHROOMS!” (it doesn’t take much to impress me anymore)
Sister “Actually, It’s 2 and a half.”
Me “If you can piss in all of them…. In my book that’s 3 bathrooms!”
Sister “I take it you and your roommate only have one. hahahaha”
Denisha had to go to work for a bit so I made myself at home. For the first time in a long time there were no sirens, sounds of domestic violence, salsa music, bad ass kids talking reckless on the streets…. just me and my thoughts. I began to think about how I too could have a dope place if I did not live in NY… and I became envious of the fact that her mortgage was less than my rent. I had made up my mind. I was moving!
I had told Chauncey I would send him a text when I settled… this I did. Around 6pm my phone woke me up.
Chauncy “Yoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!”
Me (flaming hot Dorito sleep breath) “What’s up?”
Chauncy “Ew. What are you doing?”
Me “ Relaxing on the couch.” (My roomie and just recently got one HAHA)
Chauncy “ Oh okay. Well, it’s been a long day at work and I’m too tired to drive down for dinner and then turn around and come back. What are yall getting into tomorrow?”
Me “The “Taste of Tampa” and who knows what else….”
Chauncy “Okay, well I will come down for that and then we will go out!”
We wrapped up the convo and he said he would call me in the morning when he was driving down. I guess it is 2 hours… he once said it was 45 min… who really knows where this negro lives. Either way, when you work in an industry full of shady ass people… it’s refreshing when you know you are going to spend some time with people who are real.
That night my sister and I went out. Tampa night life makes for another blog entry, but we ended up in some dudes VIP Birthday thing drinking up his goose and patron all night. Question: Why is it when guys buy you drinks you become their wife for the evening? Like I said, I’ll talk about that foolishness later. But, I have not had that much fun in a long time.
The next morning we woke up to go shopping and over to my aunts (who practically lives in a resort… you thought I was acting impressed before… this was amplified by a million!)
Auntie “What are you all getting in to today?”
Sister “One of Jessica’s friends is coming down and I’ve invited some people and we are all just going to hang out!”
Auntie “Jessica, that sounds nice! You don’t have any friends you grew up with in NY.”
Me “I have a feeling I won’t see him…..” (I kid you not. I said this.)
Auntie “Really, well it is only 1pm. I’m sure he will come!”
Sister “Jessica, do you want to shop closer in the city so when he comes it will be easier to meet up? I’ll call my friends and tell them to hang tight so we can all go to the taste together.”
Me “If you really want to do all that…. Okay.” (Mind you. Not only my day… but others depended on Chauncy’s moves.)
4pm rolls around and I have not heard from Chauncy… who I was assuming to see around 5pm.
Me “I can’t believe my friend stood me up!”
Sister “Girl, he did not stand you up! Text him!”
Me “I’m not texting nothing. You see…. I’ve been blessed with this skill to know how the male mind works. If you text… they just say they did not get it. If you call… they will say they did not get the missed call. Okay. Fine. I will call him… I know he is not going to answer… and I will leave him a message. The whole “My voicemail aint working” excuse never plays out well.
As I suspected… I got the voicemail.
Around 6pm… still no word from Chauncy. My sister scoops up one of her friends and we went to dinner.
Sisters’s friend “I hope nothing happened to him. You should call and act concerned to make sure all is okay.” (Why do girls always think this? Accept the fact that you have been played and keep it moving!)
Me “Nothing is wrong with this dude. He played me. He knows it. It’s that simple. He also knows that the longer he waits to call me… the more pissed off I am becoming. I promise you. He will call me around 8 or 9. If he doesn’t he will call me tomorrow or Monday with some outlandish story.
Like clock work. 8pm rolls around… and it’s Chauncy on the phone.
Me (to the girls in the car) “Should I even bother to pick this up?”
Sister “Girl! If you don’t pick up that phone!”
Me (to Chauncy) “Hello?”
Chauncy “Hey…..” (sigh- you can hear in this dudes voice I’m in for a treat) “What are you doing?”
Me (fighting back laughter to conceal how irritated I am) “Riding in the car… what are you doing?”
Chauncy “I’m at home…. Look Jess, I don’t think I am going to be able to make it.” (NO SHIT SHERLOCK! I KNEW THIS AT 2pm!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Me (keeping it cool) “awww maaaan.” (notice… I didn’t even ask him to explain… because I REALLY did not want him to. At this point I was going to think what I wanted to think anyway.)
Chauncy “Yea, I don’t have the money to come down” (I wish yall could see the side-eye action I was giving my berry… the ppl in the car were holding their mouths trying not to bust out)
(I know this nigga is not going to blame the recession on why he hoed me all day and is just now returning a call I placed 4 hours ago.)
Me “ummm… you knew yesterday that you did not have money. Why are you just now saying something? You knew this morning that you did not have money…..”
The point is…. He called ME MAKING PLANS! How are you the plan maker… with no paper????????? That’s just bad business!!!
Chauncy “Look. I know myself. I have to buy gas…. And it cost a lot to fill my truck. I’m going to want to eat and buy drinks…. I have no self-control.”
Me “I can’t see my friend… because he has no self control……..”
Chauncy (nervous laughter) “Don’t do that… that’s not what I said….”
Me “That is what you said. That you have no self control…” (what the hell does he plan on eating and drinking that is going to break the bank?)
Chauncy “You are getting on my case!” (someone feels guilty… I learned this in mock trial. Displaced aggression is always a sign.)
Me (asking the ppl in the car) “Am I getting on this man’s case?”
Car folks “NO!”
Me “They disagree with you.”
Chauncy “I feel guilty”
Me “As you should”
Chauncy “Jessica. I’m not going to be able to make it. I’ve got a money situation to handle.” (growing up I’ve had a lot of nicknames… and most ppl just call me Jess… So when I hear him attach the “ica” to my name… I took it that he might be serious.)
Me “Do you really want to come down?”
Chauncy “I do.”
Me “How much do you need?”
Chauncy “No, Jessica. I can’t do that.”
Me “What do you need?’
Chauncy “I can’t”
Me “I’m trying to save you… but you don’t want to be saved! What do you need!!!”
Chauncy “I know you are my girl. But, I can’t do that. And I did not want to tell you earlier.”
Me “I’ve known you forever dude, if you need something… I got you….”
Chauncy “I’m sorry. I’m not coming.”
Me “All I’m saying is…. You knew this earlier.” (this whole conversation I’m bubbly and not casting an attitude in the least bit!)
Chauncy “I didn’t want to tell my friend that I could not see her.”
Me “I’ve known you for how long… and you didn’t want to……”
Chaucny “I KNOW!”
This man knew me back when I had glow in the dark braces and dookey braids! Yet, he felt uncomfortable telling me that he played around with my day…. Over some BS that could have been resolved way sooner. TRIFLIN! Not only was it my day… but others. And he knew this! TRIFLIN! Not to mention SELFISH and BOGUS!
Me “Just admit… you don’t feel like driving.”
(Everyone in the car co-signs on this)
Chauncy “I drive down there all the time! It’s not the drive.” (wrong thing to say. You drive down here all the time? Yet, when a supposed friend is in town… you don’t want to drive. This was getting bad.)
Real talk. I know guys. He had other plans. Dudes are quick to play the homegirl that will always be around for the taste of the month. Chauncy and I aren’t dating, never have… it was none of my business so I did not even take it there. But do I believe that’s what happened. YES! That is my final answer.
The longer we talked. The more I irritated I got.
Chauncy “I just don’t have the money right now.”
Me “Okay, like I’ve said. You don’t have to explain.”
Chauncy “Yea, I’m just going to sit here and eat a peanut butter sandwich tonight.”
Me “So… you want to play the victim?
Chauncy “No! I’m just letting you know I’m broke!”
For those of you who know what I’ve been through since college…. Broke was my middle name. I ate so much rice/pasta and 2 for $1 oat meal cream pies to the point my bowel movements were yellow. Pride wouldn’t let me get stamps. So playing the “broke” card when you really aren’t…. get’s no love from me! AND this dude just said he was eating peanut butter! That ish is almost $4 a jar in Harlem. Peanut butter is a fuckin delicacy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me “okay!”
Chauncy “You are acting nice…. But I know you! As soon as we get off the phone you are going to clown me. I’m about to be your next blog! I know it! I know you too well! You’re like that song from the 60’s…
Me (bracing myself for this) “Chauncy, what song are you talking about?”
Chauncy “you know the one! Goes something like…. “they smile in your face….”
Me “I remind you of the song “Backstabbers?” (My irritation was quickly growing into anger. Did he REALLY just say this. I would ride out with this guy until the wheels roll off… and he just said that he thought I was a BACKSTABBER!)
Chauncy “I did not mean it like that….. I just meant that I know you are going to talk bad about me once we hang up.”
This was true. But if he knew me sooooo well, then why did he allow for this to happen? All he had to do was call earlier in the day and say this: “Jessica, something came up. Unfortunately I will not be able to come. I’m sorry. I will get at you later.” THAT IS ALL THAT NEEDED TO BE SAID. OR he could have simply said YESTERDAY “I’d love to see you, but my finances aren’t looking tight. I’m not making any promises, but I will let you know as soon as I can as to whether we can hang or not.” I would have respected either.
Me “YO, SON! YOU ARE NOT KEEPING IT FUNKY RIGHT NOW!”
Chauncy (mimicking me) “I am keeping it funky!”
It was at that moment I realized. Despite the fact that he claims to know me and probably has seen all the sides to my personality. There is the one side he has never seen…. The angry Harlem girl. Somehow this Iowa blood was transfused with that of an uptown chick… and neither of us was ready for that. I knew I had to get off the phone.
Me “okay cool. I will talk to you later.”
Chauncy “Okay, so what are you going to do tonight?” (did he really have the audacity to act like he cared?)
Me “What does it matter?”
Chauncy “Here we go!”
Me “I’m not upset… I’m..” (I was cut off)
Chauncy “I don’t care. You can be mad.” (Was this really going down?)
Me “You have a nice night, Chauncy. (Classy. He can’t say I was the angry black woman. I was not about to give him that satisfaction.)
Sister “Wow, are you okay?”
Me “Since graduating… I’ve had a bunch of people let me down. Friendships I thought were good… in the end meant nothing. Just never thought I’d have to put him on that list. So no, I’m not mad… just hurt.”
Sister “Yea. I mean why did he have us waiting around all day?”
Me “Because I don’t mean shit to him. That’s what I got out of that conversation. Someone who I had all the respect in the world for does not have an ounce of respect for me. If he knew me so well he would know that there are three things you don’t mess with. My money and my TIME.”
Sister “What’s the third?”
Me “Respect. That was just inconsiderate and rude and I sincerely apologize if that messed up what ever else you all had planned for the day.”
Sisters friend “You have some raggety friends!” (this girl did not even know me… but could take away that I have raggety friends…. Ouch. Not the type of first impression I am used to making.) “Hell! You offered him money!”
Sister “Maybe he was trying to get some money together this morning…...”
Me “What? Do you think he was going door to door selling Girl Scout cookies and yay (coke)?
The more I had to sit there and listen the more disrespected I felt. And by the oldest friend I’ve got. Shameful. I swear. Will someone please remove the sign on my back that reads: “I LOVE TRIFLIN PEOPLE”
Me “Well, in the words of Laurie Ann from Making the Band… “ONE MONKEY DON’T STOP MY SHOW!”
With that I had another great evening in Tampa.
The next day I did not want to leave. I missed suburban life and was not ready to come back to NY.
After having to tell my aunt what happened…
Auntie “That’s horrible!”
Me “I know…”
Auntie “What are you going to do”
Me “Throw him in the time capsule.”
Auntie “I don’t understand?”
Me “The 8th grade time capsule…that’s where he belongs. I’ve got a space between my Fubu overalls and headgear.
The rest of the day was spent by the pool. 9:00pm back to NY. I got off the plane aggravated by all the horns, traffic, and smog. I was standing at the door to my 6 floor walk-up apartment… I was dreading having to lug my having bag up all those stairs. Tampa really made me long a more comfortable life.
As I reached in my bag to pull out my keys… my work ID hit the floor. I picked it up and could not help but to stare at my big cheesin smile. I will never forget the day I took that pic. April 24, 2009. Almost 8 years to the day of that little HS newspaper feature on me where I said “One day I will work at MTV”. I stuffed the MTV Networks badge back in my bag and took a quick moment to gain some perspective. This is where I belong.
I may never have the big home. I may never live by a Dillards. I may never have the perfect friendships. But at the end of the day, I’ll always have my dreams… and they haven’t let me down yet.
And since Chauncy is into playing “name that tune” I got a song for him.
"What About Your Friends" -TLC
Every now and then I get a little crazy
That's not the way it's supposed to be
Sometimes my vision is a little hazy
I can't tell who I should trust or just who I let trust me (yeah)
People try to say I act a little funny
But that's just a figure of speech to me
They tell me I changed because I got money
But if you were there before then you're still down with me
[Chorus:]
What about your friends
Will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you
Well is it me or can it be I'm a little too
Friendly so to speak hypothetically
Say I supply creativity to what others
Must take as a form of self-hate
Only to make an enemy
Which results in unfortunate destiny
They dog me out then be next to me
Just cause I am what some choose to envy
Every now and then I get a little easy
I let a lot of people depend on me
I never though they would ever deceive me
Don't you know when times got rough I was standing on my own
I'll never let another get that close to me
You see I've grown a lot smarter now
Sometimes you have to choose and then you'll see
If your friends is true they'll be there with you
Through the thick and thin
[Chorus]
Yo is it me, is it me or can it be I am a little too friendly
So to speak hypothetically
'Cause I supply creativity to what others
Must take as a form of self-hate
Only to make an enemy
Which results in unfortunate destiny
They dog me out then be next to me
Just cause I am what some choose to envy
[Chorus]
People say I act a little funny
I wouldn't change not for no money
I'll be a friend as long as you're a friend to me (yeah, yeah)
Even though I might seem easy
It don't give you no cause to deceive me
It's not the way that I want my friends to ever be
[Chorus]
