Yes, my dating life deserves a big ol'e WHAT IS THIS! A few months back a FINE (I know its immature to put things in all caps... but he was FINE) West African guy that I met at a roof top party asked me out. Ladies... he looked like Omar Epps! (moment of silence as a regain focus). How did the date go? Eh. He kept asking me questions like: Can you cook? How are you with kids?... Would you ever live in Africa? You know... the typical questions. Frankly, this was a little too much for me for a first date. But let me find out he is the Prince of Zimunda and I will be on the first thing smoking to Africa pregnant with twins with a frying pan in tow. To be honest, his restaurant selection was weak (I think he just picked it for the free wine), but it was an act of chivalry he did that I just was not accustomed to that threw me off.
After dinner, we went for a walk and he insisted on walking on the outside of me. Okay, fine. But, every time we turned a corner he was no longer on the outside and he would cut me off to get back over. I grew irritated with this dance and he could sense it.
date "Have you never had a man walk on the outside of you before"
me "is that what you are trying to do?"
date "yes, it is the mans duty to protect the woman"
me "yea...because cars hop curbs all the time." I was really sarcastic when I said this but.. oh well.
Truth is, Im not used to guys being chivalrous with me and when I'm presented with one who is... I don't know how to act.
When arriving at work the following Monday all the women in the office wanted to know about my date with Mr. FINE. After telling them about how he annoyed me everyone just looked at me like I had a third nipple.
Co-worker "so you didn't like him because he was chivalrous... makes alot of sense girly" (pats me on the back) "you are destined to be alone."
I didn't like the sound of that. Nor did I like how every woman proceeded to tell me that I need to stop being so "rough."
My girl Jam sat beside me and put her hand on my shoulder. She could tell I did not like being beat up about this. "You're young... and I'm going to tell you what my mamma told me about walking on the outside. Mom says back in the 60's and 70's pimps would walk with their hoe on the outside to show her off."
If I wasn't uncomfortable before... I sure was now.
Jam "It was their way of showing the hoes off to the streets and letting everyone look at her."
This comment was followed by everyone yelling "PREACH" along with some smacking of the lips and sucking of the teeth.
I just sat there looking stupid.
Co-worker 2 "Bet you won't want to walk on the outside anymore huh Ms. Big and Bad."
My boss comes in at this time. She is from Iowa... most of the woman in the office are from down south and out east... perhaps this was a regional thing.
Me "So boss lady... what do you think about men walking on the outside? That's just something southern belles do... right?"
boss "If I'm walking with a man... no matter who he is... he betta get his ass to the outside! I deserve that respect!"
I could see the "rep yo state" card in this situation was not going to work.
boss "remember JP... you teach a man how to street you. If you present yourself as one of those woman who can do everything for herself... you are sending the message that you can.. and that is what you WANT."
Now I feel sorry for my guy friends when they walk with me. If they are not on the outside I scream "GET TO THE OUTSIDE I'M NOT YOUR HOE." They just look at me like I'm crazy, but they quickly get to the outside.
This experience was a huge wake up call to me. I learned the difference between "self sufficient" women and "independent" women. Self sufficient women can do for their selves, but don't deny they need a man in their life. "Independent" is just an over used term some bitter hood rats made up to justify why they are ballin and lonely. I'll take self sufficient any day!
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