Dad: My strength, my heart, my nerve, my fight. HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO MY BEST FRIEND!
Thus far my 25th year on earth has been one of self discovery. And what I have learned is… the older I get the more like my parents I become.
I’m going to take you back to 1996. I was in 6th grade and my brother Justin in 4th. Dad had recently purchased a 1975 gold and brown Cadillac from a grocery store parking lot for $300. Here we were…. one of 5 black families living in the suburbs of Des Moines, Iowa and my dad had to be the one driving a pimp mobile. He called it a classic….I called it an embarrassment. I used to lay down flat in the back of the thing so no one would see me… but the truth is, when you live in a small community… everyone knew who owned the car whether they saw me in it or not. Looking back on it… I should not have been embarrassed to ride in that car… I should have been proud! You see, Dad drove that cheap vehicle so he could purchase the brand new car my mom was riding around in, the house we were remodeling, and pay for all the little leagues, dance classes, and Tommy Hilfiger clothes my brother and I were wearing. The biggest lesson of life I learned from this man: A real man will put the needs of his family before his own.
My brother was getting ready for his school’s 4th grade bike ride (the class takes a trip to some famous trail). There was one problem… Justin didn’t know how to ride a bike.
Me (being the older sibling that I am): You know the kids are going to make fun of you if you show up with training wheels.
Mom: Jessica, stop! I have training wheels on my bike and I don’t care what anyone has to say about it!
Me: That’s unacceptable…. and no offence very embarrassing since you’re old. You should want more for your son.
Justin: Jessica is right! I need to be riding a two wheeler!
Dad (laughing): How is it you got to the 4th grade and still have training wheels? (That’s the million dollar question)
Mom: Well, when did you teach Jessica how to ride a bike?
Dad: I never taught her….
Me: That’s right! I had my friend push me down a hill a few times in like 1st or 2nd grade… eventually I just took off! I’m self taught!
(My family ignores me when I start self promoting)
Justin: Dad, would you please teach me how to ride a bike real quick?
I looked over at Dad who CLEARLY did not want to spend his entire weekend doing this. But because he didn’t want his son to be the butt of all the jokes he loaded the bike in the trunk of the gold Cadillac.
Me: Oh I’ve got to see this! (Evil laughter)
Dad: You can come as long as you promise to leave the peanut gallery at home!
Me (puppy face): I just want to support my brother ….
Mom: You’re such a brat!!
With that we left the house and went to a neighboring elementary school that faced the major street in town.
Me: Don’t you want to teach him in the back of the school… there is an open lot and parking.
Dad: Why? Here is fine.
Me: I mean… we don’t want Justin’s friends to happen to pass by and seeing him learning to ride a bike!
What I REALLY wanted to say was: “You don’t want MY friends to pass by and see this ugly car AND my brother who is too old to just be learning to ride a bike!”
Dad agreed and drove around back.
Teaching Justin to ride was the longest day of life. He just was NOT getting it and Dad was trying to be patient… but I could tell it was wearing thin. This was no longer fun to snicker at. Fed up I went and sat in the car. An hour went by. I looked up and saw Justin riding down the hill! HE WAS DOING IT! Dad was jumping for joy and I began honking the car horn in jubilee!
Dad: BREAK JUSTIN! BREAK!
Me (scared) DAD HE’S NOT STOPPING! DO SOMETHING!
Justin: HELP! HELP!
To paint a visual Justin had on acid wash paints pulled over his stomach and a yellow tank top… something AC Slater from “Saved By The Bell” would have worn… minus the muscles and my purple helmet that is too big for him and is now covering his face! He is no longer on the cement, but on the grass heading straight for the side of the school building. Dad is chasing after him.
SPLAT! Justin flies of the bike and hits the brick wall and is pealing himself off like the Coyote on Loony Tunes after he runs into the side of a giant rock.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Justin gets up. He survived.
Justin: I’m okay! I’m Okay! Whoa, Man! That was crazy!
Dad is livid at this point because we’ve been at this for hours in 100 degree weather… and this dude STILL can’t ride a bike!
Dad: YOU FUCKING CRASH TEST DUMMY! SHIT! DID YOU REALLY JUST DO THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My Dad had NEVER cursed in front of us… and NEVER called us names. So when he combined the two calling Justin a “fucking crash test dummy!” I thought Justin was just traumatized for life! This is one of my all time favorite quotes from Dad.
After the initial shock of getting cursed out for goofing around on the bike Justin got serious and learned. It was just what he needed to focus himself. Dad got just what he needed when we returned from Mom… a few choice words his damn self.
Flash forward to a few weeks ago. My boyfriend was supposed to come over at 7:30pm p.m. so we could get something to eat… talking too long at the barbershop he arrived at my apartment at 10pm. Anyone who knows me can tell you….if I am hungry or tired… I turn into an angry beast.
Me: I’ve not eaten all day. If you were going to come hours later you should have called and I would have gone to the corner store for a snack!
BF: Well let’s go get something now. (Guys are clueless)
We caught a cab.
Me: 125th and 5th ave please.
Mind you… we got picked up on 148th
At 140th the cab driver turns down a residential block where a big charter bus is stationed backing up traffic down the block.
Me: WHY DID YOU TURN HERE?
BF: ssshhh!
We sat in this unnecessary traffic for about 5 min.
Me: You can stay, I’m getting out. This is ridiculous!
Cabbie: I CAN’T HELP IF THE STREET IS BLOCKED!
Me: YES YOU CAN! Clearly you saw this before we made the turn… because I saw it! I don’t have time to sit here and wait for this to clear up. I’m getting out.
BF: Sir, how much do I owe you?
Cabbie: That will be $7!
Me: $7???? ARE YOU FOR REAL! You didn’t take us anywhere. It would have been 7 if we got to 125th street! I am not at my destination! In fact, you took us 8 blocks! Give him $3
With that I jumped out the cab but not before yelling to the driver: “YOU FUCKING DUMMY!”
With that I took of walking really fast down the street and the poor boyfriend looked extra embarrassed walking 10 ft behind me. He stops another cab.
BF: Come on, get in. You need to be fed AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
Once in a booth at the restaurant I returned to my pleasant happy go lucky self.
BF: What was that?????
Me: That incident with that cab driver?….
BF: Umm yes
Me: My father
Thus far my 25th year on earth has been one of self discovery. And what I have learned is… the older I get the more like my parents I become.
I’m going to take you back to 1996. I was in 6th grade and my brother Justin in 4th. Dad had recently purchased a 1975 gold and brown Cadillac from a grocery store parking lot for $300. Here we were…. one of 5 black families living in the suburbs of Des Moines, Iowa and my dad had to be the one driving a pimp mobile. He called it a classic….I called it an embarrassment. I used to lay down flat in the back of the thing so no one would see me… but the truth is, when you live in a small community… everyone knew who owned the car whether they saw me in it or not. Looking back on it… I should not have been embarrassed to ride in that car… I should have been proud! You see, Dad drove that cheap vehicle so he could purchase the brand new car my mom was riding around in, the house we were remodeling, and pay for all the little leagues, dance classes, and Tommy Hilfiger clothes my brother and I were wearing. The biggest lesson of life I learned from this man: A real man will put the needs of his family before his own.
My brother was getting ready for his school’s 4th grade bike ride (the class takes a trip to some famous trail). There was one problem… Justin didn’t know how to ride a bike.
Me (being the older sibling that I am): You know the kids are going to make fun of you if you show up with training wheels.
Mom: Jessica, stop! I have training wheels on my bike and I don’t care what anyone has to say about it!
Me: That’s unacceptable…. and no offence very embarrassing since you’re old. You should want more for your son.
Justin: Jessica is right! I need to be riding a two wheeler!
Dad (laughing): How is it you got to the 4th grade and still have training wheels? (That’s the million dollar question)
Mom: Well, when did you teach Jessica how to ride a bike?
Dad: I never taught her….
Me: That’s right! I had my friend push me down a hill a few times in like 1st or 2nd grade… eventually I just took off! I’m self taught!
(My family ignores me when I start self promoting)
Justin: Dad, would you please teach me how to ride a bike real quick?
I looked over at Dad who CLEARLY did not want to spend his entire weekend doing this. But because he didn’t want his son to be the butt of all the jokes he loaded the bike in the trunk of the gold Cadillac.
Me: Oh I’ve got to see this! (Evil laughter)
Dad: You can come as long as you promise to leave the peanut gallery at home!
Me (puppy face): I just want to support my brother ….
Mom: You’re such a brat!!
With that we left the house and went to a neighboring elementary school that faced the major street in town.
Me: Don’t you want to teach him in the back of the school… there is an open lot and parking.
Dad: Why? Here is fine.
Me: I mean… we don’t want Justin’s friends to happen to pass by and seeing him learning to ride a bike!
What I REALLY wanted to say was: “You don’t want MY friends to pass by and see this ugly car AND my brother who is too old to just be learning to ride a bike!”
Dad agreed and drove around back.
Teaching Justin to ride was the longest day of life. He just was NOT getting it and Dad was trying to be patient… but I could tell it was wearing thin. This was no longer fun to snicker at. Fed up I went and sat in the car. An hour went by. I looked up and saw Justin riding down the hill! HE WAS DOING IT! Dad was jumping for joy and I began honking the car horn in jubilee!
Dad: BREAK JUSTIN! BREAK!
Me (scared) DAD HE’S NOT STOPPING! DO SOMETHING!
Justin: HELP! HELP!
To paint a visual Justin had on acid wash paints pulled over his stomach and a yellow tank top… something AC Slater from “Saved By The Bell” would have worn… minus the muscles and my purple helmet that is too big for him and is now covering his face! He is no longer on the cement, but on the grass heading straight for the side of the school building. Dad is chasing after him.
SPLAT! Justin flies of the bike and hits the brick wall and is pealing himself off like the Coyote on Loony Tunes after he runs into the side of a giant rock.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Justin gets up. He survived.
Justin: I’m okay! I’m Okay! Whoa, Man! That was crazy!
Dad is livid at this point because we’ve been at this for hours in 100 degree weather… and this dude STILL can’t ride a bike!
Dad: YOU FUCKING CRASH TEST DUMMY! SHIT! DID YOU REALLY JUST DO THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My Dad had NEVER cursed in front of us… and NEVER called us names. So when he combined the two calling Justin a “fucking crash test dummy!” I thought Justin was just traumatized for life! This is one of my all time favorite quotes from Dad.
After the initial shock of getting cursed out for goofing around on the bike Justin got serious and learned. It was just what he needed to focus himself. Dad got just what he needed when we returned from Mom… a few choice words his damn self.
Flash forward to a few weeks ago. My boyfriend was supposed to come over at 7:30pm p.m. so we could get something to eat… talking too long at the barbershop he arrived at my apartment at 10pm. Anyone who knows me can tell you….if I am hungry or tired… I turn into an angry beast.
Me: I’ve not eaten all day. If you were going to come hours later you should have called and I would have gone to the corner store for a snack!
BF: Well let’s go get something now. (Guys are clueless)
We caught a cab.
Me: 125th and 5th ave please.
Mind you… we got picked up on 148th
At 140th the cab driver turns down a residential block where a big charter bus is stationed backing up traffic down the block.
Me: WHY DID YOU TURN HERE?
BF: ssshhh!
We sat in this unnecessary traffic for about 5 min.
Me: You can stay, I’m getting out. This is ridiculous!
Cabbie: I CAN’T HELP IF THE STREET IS BLOCKED!
Me: YES YOU CAN! Clearly you saw this before we made the turn… because I saw it! I don’t have time to sit here and wait for this to clear up. I’m getting out.
BF: Sir, how much do I owe you?
Cabbie: That will be $7!
Me: $7???? ARE YOU FOR REAL! You didn’t take us anywhere. It would have been 7 if we got to 125th street! I am not at my destination! In fact, you took us 8 blocks! Give him $3
With that I jumped out the cab but not before yelling to the driver: “YOU FUCKING DUMMY!”
With that I took of walking really fast down the street and the poor boyfriend looked extra embarrassed walking 10 ft behind me. He stops another cab.
BF: Come on, get in. You need to be fed AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
Once in a booth at the restaurant I returned to my pleasant happy go lucky self.
BF: What was that?????
Me: That incident with that cab driver?….
BF: Umm yes
Me: My father
2 comments:
LOL @ you laying down along the backseat in the classic caddie...no exaggeration I was laughing out loud the whole time. Priceless, when is the book dropping?
Olá
casdamasceno.blogspot.com
artesclaudiodamasceno2.blogspot.com
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