I Need That Special Delivery

(Yall know the above was the CUT! )

This next story I am dedicating to one of my best friends in the world. When you are blessed to find good people like Richelle you hold on to them. Since 8th grade we have been through everything together. She is one of the strongest and realist people I have ever met and I know my life would not be the same if she was not in it (we are not gay LOL, why do people always feel the need to say that?) I so killed my loving statement by adding that. Oh wells!

In a sense you can say I attended 2 high schools. I went to Roosevelt for a few periods, but the majority of my day was spent at Central Campus. This school was basically for students who knew what they wanted to pursue in college and allowed us to get college credit while beginning our majors early. I took Radio TV and Film.

Roosevelt was down the street from Central so I did not use all the travel time we received to get from school to school. I would use this extra 2 hours to go to the mall, get my hair done, or go home. It was pure comedy when I would come to school with a side ponytail… then return with cornrows or a fresh perm.

On the way back to Roosevelt I would grab fast food. While at my locker stuffing my face Mr. A (the FAT hall monitor/ school security) called down the hall at me.

Mr. A “MISS WILSON!”

I quickly threw the bag of food in my locker… I knew it was a rule not to eat in the hall.

Mr. A “I saw that. Open your locker”

Me “Do you have a warrant?”

Mr. A “Stop being silly and open your locker”

Me “What’s silly about me knowing the law?”

Mr. A “I see someone wants detention!”

Me “I can’t have a detention… I have late play rehearsal tonight and this is the only time I have to eat!”

Mr. A “I don’t care what you have to do… give me the bag.”

Me “I swear, you are like a food bounty hunter! Every time, no matter where you are in the building you sniff it out!”

I opened my locker and handed over my fries, nuggets, and apple pie. Mr. A had the nerve to proceed to eat my food in my face. Talking reckless.

Mr. A “You don’t need this anyway. Aren’t you on the track team? Now get to class before I write you up!”

Me (being funny) “I got to get my weight up for shot put! AND you took my Taco Bell last week! I don’t have money to be feeding you!”

Mr. A “Then perhaps you should stop eating in the hall. Have a good day and a lovely play practice.”

I watched as he waddled down the hall eating my food. I was pissed.

On my way to rehearsal, I ran into one of my homeboys who was madly in love with my friend Richelle. It was one of those situations where he was WAY more into her than she was into him. He was holding this raggedy dirty vase with this half dead carnation in it (I’ll go ahead and say carnation to make it better…. But it looked more like a dandelion to me). He was looked really sad.

Me “Why so down ole chum!”

Boy “Well, I wanted to give this flower to Richelle, but she is in detention again.”

LOL. Richelle was always in detention! She was not bad, but our school gave them out all willy nilly. She was probably in there for one of the following: being “tardy” (can I just say I hate the word “tardy” It offends me… like it’s a way for teachers to call you “retarded and get away with it), illegal parking or laughing at the inappropriate moment in class (at least those are the reasons why I ever issued detention).

Me “You really want her to get this flower huh?” This was the most bootleg looking gift EVER… and any chance I could get to embarrass a friend I take. After all, what are friends for?

Boy “Yea, I got to get going and cannot wait for her to get out.”

Me “I’ll walk in detention and give this to her for you!”

Boy “You wouldn’t really bust up in detention and give them to her!” (clearly, he did not know who he was talking to).

Me “I sure will! She will love the attention! And this vase and carnation are AMAZING! I would LOVE for a guy to give me a gift like this in front of my peers!” (Ummm FALSE!)

I grabbed the dirt stained mustard colored vase and the weeds and walked into detention.

Teacher “WHAT ARE YOU DOING????!!!! You cannot just disrupt detention.”

Me “I have a special delivery for Richelle.”

Richelle’s nickname was Big Bird because of her high yeller skin. But at this moment… ELMO suited her better!

I sat the flower on her desk as the whole detention watched.

Me “These are from your boy!”

There were some snickers…. Richelle said nothing. If looks could kill I would be long gone.

Teacher “Would you like to join us?”

Me (busting out laughing at myself for walking in there and giving my friend this wack gift from someone she could care less about all because I knew the attention and others thinking she was “going out” with this guy would be embarrassing!) “No, I will be leaving now.”

Boy “What did she say???!!!??”

Me “I think she was impressed!” (I’m SOOOOO mean!)

I proceeded to Harlem Shake in the hall singing my version of the Bad Boy classic “Special Delivery”

I can’t remember if Richelle talked to me the next day or not. But if you can’t humiliate your friends… who can you humiliate!