My mom does not purchase ANYTHING unless it is 75% off. That was the rule in my house. If we wanted her to buy it… whatever it was it had to be on sale… and at 75% off.
Me “Mom, can I get this Tommy shirt?”
Mom “How much is it?”
Me “$20”
Mom “What is the regular price?”
Me “$40”
Mom “That is only 50%... you can get it when it’s $10”
That’s how my childhood went. I always ended up getting what I wanted… just months later. My mother also purchases things in bulk. If Walmart is having a sale on toilet paper… the whole family goes and purchases the limit. We go several times during the week until the sale is over. When I was really little mom would purchase first, then turn to me and my brother…. giving us coupons telling the cashier to ring everything separate at the sale price. I know the cashier thought we were crazy! I was 5 and my brother 3… handing her coupons telling her we would like to purchase tampons. My mom could run a corner store out of out basement.
When I was home over Christmas she woke me up at the crack of dawn one morning.
Mom “JESSICA GET UP! I NEED YOUR HELP!”
Me “Can it wait… it’s like 7am!” (My job in NY did not start till 11… I can’t remember the last time I was up that early)
Mom “No, they will be gone by then. Just throw some clothes on and come downstairs. This will only take a sec, you can go back to sleep when you get back.”
I put on some sweats and walked downstairs.
Me (rubbing sleep out my eyes and popping gum in my mouth) “What is it?”
Mom “Walgreens has a sale on blow dryers. They are $10. I have already been out this morning and bought 5. Your father is out now rounded some up.”
Me “ARE YOU SERIOUS! WHAT DO YOU NEED WITH MILLIONS OF BLOW DRYERS!”
Mom “Well, you know how they don’t last that long.”
Me “Mom, can I get this Tommy shirt?”
Mom “How much is it?”
Me “$20”
Mom “What is the regular price?”
Me “$40”
Mom “That is only 50%... you can get it when it’s $10”
That’s how my childhood went. I always ended up getting what I wanted… just months later. My mother also purchases things in bulk. If Walmart is having a sale on toilet paper… the whole family goes and purchases the limit. We go several times during the week until the sale is over. When I was really little mom would purchase first, then turn to me and my brother…. giving us coupons telling the cashier to ring everything separate at the sale price. I know the cashier thought we were crazy! I was 5 and my brother 3… handing her coupons telling her we would like to purchase tampons. My mom could run a corner store out of out basement.
When I was home over Christmas she woke me up at the crack of dawn one morning.
Mom “JESSICA GET UP! I NEED YOUR HELP!”
Me “Can it wait… it’s like 7am!” (My job in NY did not start till 11… I can’t remember the last time I was up that early)
Mom “No, they will be gone by then. Just throw some clothes on and come downstairs. This will only take a sec, you can go back to sleep when you get back.”
I put on some sweats and walked downstairs.
Me (rubbing sleep out my eyes and popping gum in my mouth) “What is it?”
Mom “Walgreens has a sale on blow dryers. They are $10. I have already been out this morning and bought 5. Your father is out now rounded some up.”
Me “ARE YOU SERIOUS! WHAT DO YOU NEED WITH MILLIONS OF BLOW DRYERS!”
Mom “Well, you know how they don’t last that long.”
Me “Mom, you don’t even blow dry your hair!”
Mom “You do. Now when your dryer goes out we will have some.”
Me “That happens like once every 3 years. I’m going back to sleep!”
Mom “You do. Now when your dryer goes out we will have some.”
Me “That happens like once every 3 years. I’m going back to sleep!”
Mom “Come on now! There is a limit of one per person. You will need to hit up a couple of Walgreens. There are 2 on 50th one over on 61st and then if you want you can go to the one over by Famous Dave’s.”
She hands me the stack of sale papers she collected for this project.
Me “These are Conair dryers….”
Mom “I know”
Me “They aren’t even GOLDEN HOT or REVELON! Conair is not that dope to be burning all this gas over.”
With that I left and went to Walgreens. I went to 2. These blow dries were Hot Pink. WTF. Who uses a hot pink blow dryer? This would be the reason why they were on sale. When I got home my dad was there. He was cracking up when he saw me walk in with the Walgreens bag.
Dad (Laughing) “How many did you get?”
Me “2”
Mom (trying to be upset!) “ONLY 2!”
Me “I’m going back to sleep.”
Mom "Does Charreah, Richelle, Dawniece, or Meek need a blow dryer for Chirstmas?"
Me "They good."
As I was laying in my bed I could not help but laugh at the time in college when Victoria Secret put a coupon in the free campus newspaper for a free panty. Me and my roommate made it a competition to see who can get the most undies. I gathered 75 news papers and everyday I went to the ONE Victoria Secret in the city multiple times a day. At the end I used all the coupons giving me a total of 75 pairs of draws. My roommate had 25. LOL... not only that, I had 75 of those little pink Vicky shopping bags! I bet they will never put a free coupon in a free paper ever again!
One morning after a wild college night out my friend who stayed over and I decided to go to the movies.
Me “The movie starts in an hour.”
Homegirl “I need to go shower and change.”
Me “Like you don’t wear my clothes anyway. I have soap and towels… no need to go home for that!”
Homegirl “I need underwear!”
I went back to my room and came back with a handful of brand new Victoria Secret Draws! LOL
Me “Girl, what you want! I got white, pink, red, black, polka dot!”
Homegirl (cracking up!) “I’ll take the pink ones!”
Me “Okay in the pink I got brief, boy shorts, bikini, low cut, high rise, and thong!”
Homegirl “LOL! You are stupid for having 75 pairs of new draws!”
I guess apples don’t fall too far from the tree. When mom found out about my Vicky scam she was excited!
Mom “That’s my girl! I raised you right! Nothing beats free panties! Can I get some?”
Me “I’ll trade you for some toothpaste and toilet paper… we are out!”
Mom “Deal.”
As I was laying in my bed I could not help but laugh at the time in college when Victoria Secret put a coupon in the free campus newspaper for a free panty. Me and my roommate made it a competition to see who can get the most undies. I gathered 75 news papers and everyday I went to the ONE Victoria Secret in the city multiple times a day. At the end I used all the coupons giving me a total of 75 pairs of draws. My roommate had 25. LOL... not only that, I had 75 of those little pink Vicky shopping bags! I bet they will never put a free coupon in a free paper ever again!
One morning after a wild college night out my friend who stayed over and I decided to go to the movies.
Me “The movie starts in an hour.”
Homegirl “I need to go shower and change.”
Me “Like you don’t wear my clothes anyway. I have soap and towels… no need to go home for that!”
Homegirl “I need underwear!”
I went back to my room and came back with a handful of brand new Victoria Secret Draws! LOL
Me “Girl, what you want! I got white, pink, red, black, polka dot!”
Homegirl (cracking up!) “I’ll take the pink ones!”
Me “Okay in the pink I got brief, boy shorts, bikini, low cut, high rise, and thong!”
Homegirl “LOL! You are stupid for having 75 pairs of new draws!”
I guess apples don’t fall too far from the tree. When mom found out about my Vicky scam she was excited!
Mom “That’s my girl! I raised you right! Nothing beats free panties! Can I get some?”
Me “I’ll trade you for some toothpaste and toilet paper… we are out!”
Mom “Deal.”
My brother, on the other hand, had a different response.
Brother "You really did not keep going to a store and coming out only with a free pair of underwear without another purchase."
Me "Yes I did."
Brother "Excuse my lang... but that is hella niggerish! HAHAHAHAHA"
3 comments:
Ummmm I definitely remember you and Veta and maybe even Paris going crazy over them damn ffree underwear. Infact I was a RA at the time, and my residents were going around collecting papers out the trash, stealing them from under peoples door, and all kinds of nonsense, just to get some free drawers. Well, I am not even gonna lie, I got some too!
Still got 'em?
Okay, you effed up. You know I could have used one of them dryers! You know how often I permed my head, I was going through some blow dryers.
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