I had a 6pm flight scheduled to leave NY LaGuardia for Des Moines International Airport.
At 4:30pm I left my building to catch a gypsy cab (yellow cabs are rare in my neighborhood) to the airport. I don’t know if it is the recession or what… but the cabbies wanted to charge me $50 for a $30 ride. I finally found one for $35 and off I was.
.
While waiting to board I was on the phone with my friend LaToyia. I was telling her about a conversation that took place between my mother and I a few days prior.
Mom “ Don’t you want to move back to Des Moines?”
Me “No”
Mom “I got you a job here”
I’m thinking it is at a TV station or writing for the newspaper.
Mom “It’s evaluating flood damage in people’s basements” (insert the chirping of crickets here)
Me “I think I am going to pass on that one mom” (that had to be the most random job ever)
Mom “Well just think about it. Also, there is a really nice young man… new to Des Moines. I figured you two would hit it off. I have invited him over for pizza the day after you come home.”
Me “By the simple fact that you referred to him as a “nice young man” means he is lame and extra dorky. And how are you going to set me up on a date in my OWN HOUSE!!!??? What’s wrong with him mom? And who past the 6th grade has boys over for pizza?”
Mom “Be nice Jessica. There is nothing wrong with this young man. He is from Chicago moved here to work for the state. Just ask your father, he met him too. He came over to the house a few weeks ago with Ms. Brown (she is a family friend)… he is a really nice gentlemen.”
Me “He’s met dad? And dad is okay with this?”
(Usually my dad and I are on the same team… WHAT HAPPENED!)
LaToyia ( busts out laughing at this ordeal). “Do you and your mom have the same taste?”
Me “Not at all.” I’m sure this guy has 0 personality. Can’t dress… probably really short… he’ll be really smart…. But lack social skills. idunno Toyia I’m expecting the worst. And he’s been to the house before… So he has seen pics…my parents probably talked about me and what I do. All I know about him is he is a “nice young man from Chicago.” But hey… I’ll call you back I’m bout to board.”
I stepped onto the smallest plane I have ever been on in my life. I’m 5ft 7 and had to duck while getting on. The plane sat two on one side and one across the aisle… if you can call it an aisle. We sat there for about 25 min when the pilot comes out to address us.
Pilot “Welp ladies and gentlemen I have 2 pieces of news. 1. Because of the high winds we will need to stop in Ohio to refuel. This should take no more than 30 min.” (I’ve never had to stop for gas on a plane… but whatever). “2. But, we won’t be going anywhere because we can’t find the co pilot.”
WTF????!!???!!????
Pilot “When we track down his whereabouts you will be informed immediately.”
20 min later the pilot comes back.
Pilot “Welp… we’ve found the co pilot. He thought we were flying out of JFK. It’s rush hour so he should be here in about 2 hours. In the mean time we are going to have to have you take all your personal belongings and go sit in the terminal.”
I swear this kind of foolishness only happens to me.
As soon as I get off the plane I decide to go talk to someone at the counter. If the co pilot can’t find his way to the correct airport… how is he going to guide us in the air?
The woman gave me this long speech about how our bags were already loaded and that they would not be able to get to my things and that they were working to get a different co pilot who was already in our airport. Feeling a little ticked I took my seat in the terminal. That’s when the girl sitting across from me let out a scream.”
There was a rat running loose. I propped up my feet and got back on my phone. About an hour later they found a co pilot and we were off.
There was an ice storm in Des Moines that night… and on that little plane… I felt every bump and chip of ice that hit. Have you ever been in a situation where you are not sure if you are going to make it…. So you start praying and promising to God all the stuff you are going to do if he just delivers you out of the situation.
Me “OH LAWD… IM GOING TO CHANGE FAHTER GOD I’VE GOT A LOT MORE LIVING TO DO. FORGIVE ME FOR EVERY EVIL THOUGHT I’VE EVER HAD AND FOR WANTING TO CUT THE CO PILOT.”
But real talk God was on our side. We were the last flight for the next couple days to fly into Des Moines. That truly was a blessing.
My dad picked me up… in my car that I left behind. For some reason the passenger door does not open very well… and the radio/cd player no longer works.
Me “dad, what’s wrong with my car?”
Dad (chuckles) “This car is barely making it.” (why black people can’t return stuff like they found it?)
Me “Soooooo who is this wack boy ma has coming over for pizza tomorrow?”
Dad “He’s actually pretty cool… I don’t think you will think he is all that wack.”
Me (shaking my head in a disappointed tone) “you’ve done changed dad… you’ve done changed.”
The next day at 6pm
Mom (shouts out from the garage door) “JESSICA, WE ARE LEAVING! We’ll bring the pizza back around 8. He is coming over at 7.”
Me “YOU ARE LEAVING ME HERE WITH A STRANGER!”
Mom “You’ll be okay.”
Me “How irresponsible… what if he is a crazy molester!”
Mom “Whatever.”
She then looks me up and down
Mom “you are wearing that?”
I had on a plaid shirt and some jeans… not so much date night gear… but what does one wear to go on a date at their own kitchen table?
Me “I sure am! Am I over dressed? I was about to put on my old cheerleading hoodie I found in my closet.”
With that my parents left.
An hour passes… and this negro is not here. I know he did not stand me up at my house! Then my mom calls.
Mom “He just called me… he is dropping off his last kid and then he will be on his way.”
Me “Dropping off his last kid! HOW MANY DIFFERENT BABY MAMMAS DOES HE HAVE!”
Mom “Oh Jessica STOP IT! He works with delinquent kids and after their programs he takes a few of them home.”
Me “Oh… well can you come with my pizza please… I’m hungry.”
Another hour goes by… no dude… no food. I call my mom again and a few min later my parents come home with a pizza. My dad and I KILT that pizza! Leaving dude like 3 pieces. I then went to my room… shoot…. After all that pizza I had itis.
My doorbell rings. My mom then comes in my room talking about how she knows I don’t have the nerve to be sleeping. “He had the nerve to be like 2 hours late,” I said.
I opened the door. Hmm okay from the outside…. He’s not all that nerdy. I had to look at his shoes. Shoes tell me a lot. He had on black dress shoes… so he just came from work so I gave him a pass.
My dad comes upstairs.
Dad “What’s up Dre how you doin man!” dad then gives him what I call “the black man embrace.” You know…. The slap combo handshake that is followed by a lean in like it’s a hug… but it’s not a hug…… yall know what I’m talking about.
Okay so clearly he was cool with my dad. My mom comes down and gives dude a hug. This was getting awkward. How is this strange dude cool with my family?
When my parents left Dre and I started talking. Come to find out we knew some of the same people in Chicago and we lived near each other when I lived there (small world) . we like the same music and the same night spots. He also possessed a go getter mentality where he was willing to relocate to get ahead for his career (same with me) and he knew what he wanted out of life and had a plan to get there. Dre is pretty smart. Okay, Okay he was coo. Moms did okay. He asked if I played pool and I told him yea.
Dre “So you want to go play pool”
Me “okay sure, I don’t know where a pool hall is…. But they have tables at the bowling alley….”
Dre “Well are you good at bowling… let’s do that.”
Me “Im okay. I bowl about twice a year.”
We went to the bowling alley….. and he paid for it. (plus) But that’s not all. When he was telling the woman our names to input on the screen she wrote my name as “Jessie” Before I could even correct her… he did. “It’s Jessica.” Which made me wonder who tipped him off to the fact that I HATE being called Jessie. Most people would not have corrected it… I appreciated that he did.
The first four frames he smoked me. I had bowled all gutter balls. Then the voice of Ricky Bobby from Talladega Nights whispered to me “If you’re not first you’re last.” I’m very competitive and I just could not go out like that. For pretty much the rest of the game I had spares and strikes. The end score was like 72 to 110… I WON!!!!!!!
Usually I would have started doing the running man and shouted out in my Dave Chappelle voice “I BEAT CHA CHUMP! BOW DOWN!” but, I’m trying to be mellower.
Me “Good Game” (man that took a lot for me to say)
Dre “I guess… I just got smoked.”
Me “Don’t worry about it… It was just luck that I won. Usually I’m a terrible bowler” (I lied)
That night I was talking to one of my homeboys on the phone and he had this to say about my win.
Home Boy “You know fam aint gonna call you… he salty that he got beat on the first date.”
Me “Well if he’s gonna be like that about it… then I don’t need him to call me…. (in true Jessica form I started singing Alicia Keys) “I Am, A SUPERWOMAN… YES I AM…. YES SHE IS…..!”
Home Boy “Typical you. Why couldn’t you just let fam win! You had to bowl all over his manhood”
Me “ Are you still toasty about the fact that I beat you bowling… and in pool?”
Home Boy “Whatever G”
Well… the next day he DID call (please, I’m J Wils.. and if you don’t know now you know!) He was going out of town… he text when he got back (I hate technology) but by that time I started having all these back problems and did not get the chance to get back up with him.
Moral of the story. Give your parents a little more credit. You might just have fun. Oh and always stay true to yourself. I could have blown the bowling game… but if a guy can’t handle a boss… then he just is not the guy for me.“I love her cause she got her own she don’t need mine she say leave mine alone” –She got her Own Ne-yo Feat. Jamie Foxx
At 4:30pm I left my building to catch a gypsy cab (yellow cabs are rare in my neighborhood) to the airport. I don’t know if it is the recession or what… but the cabbies wanted to charge me $50 for a $30 ride. I finally found one for $35 and off I was.
.
While waiting to board I was on the phone with my friend LaToyia. I was telling her about a conversation that took place between my mother and I a few days prior.
Mom “ Don’t you want to move back to Des Moines?”
Me “No”
Mom “I got you a job here”
I’m thinking it is at a TV station or writing for the newspaper.
Mom “It’s evaluating flood damage in people’s basements” (insert the chirping of crickets here)
Me “I think I am going to pass on that one mom” (that had to be the most random job ever)
Mom “Well just think about it. Also, there is a really nice young man… new to Des Moines. I figured you two would hit it off. I have invited him over for pizza the day after you come home.”
Me “By the simple fact that you referred to him as a “nice young man” means he is lame and extra dorky. And how are you going to set me up on a date in my OWN HOUSE!!!??? What’s wrong with him mom? And who past the 6th grade has boys over for pizza?”
Mom “Be nice Jessica. There is nothing wrong with this young man. He is from Chicago moved here to work for the state. Just ask your father, he met him too. He came over to the house a few weeks ago with Ms. Brown (she is a family friend)… he is a really nice gentlemen.”
Me “He’s met dad? And dad is okay with this?”
(Usually my dad and I are on the same team… WHAT HAPPENED!)
LaToyia ( busts out laughing at this ordeal). “Do you and your mom have the same taste?”
Me “Not at all.” I’m sure this guy has 0 personality. Can’t dress… probably really short… he’ll be really smart…. But lack social skills. idunno Toyia I’m expecting the worst. And he’s been to the house before… So he has seen pics…my parents probably talked about me and what I do. All I know about him is he is a “nice young man from Chicago.” But hey… I’ll call you back I’m bout to board.”
I stepped onto the smallest plane I have ever been on in my life. I’m 5ft 7 and had to duck while getting on. The plane sat two on one side and one across the aisle… if you can call it an aisle. We sat there for about 25 min when the pilot comes out to address us.
Pilot “Welp ladies and gentlemen I have 2 pieces of news. 1. Because of the high winds we will need to stop in Ohio to refuel. This should take no more than 30 min.” (I’ve never had to stop for gas on a plane… but whatever). “2. But, we won’t be going anywhere because we can’t find the co pilot.”
WTF????!!???!!????
Pilot “When we track down his whereabouts you will be informed immediately.”
20 min later the pilot comes back.
Pilot “Welp… we’ve found the co pilot. He thought we were flying out of JFK. It’s rush hour so he should be here in about 2 hours. In the mean time we are going to have to have you take all your personal belongings and go sit in the terminal.”
I swear this kind of foolishness only happens to me.
As soon as I get off the plane I decide to go talk to someone at the counter. If the co pilot can’t find his way to the correct airport… how is he going to guide us in the air?
The woman gave me this long speech about how our bags were already loaded and that they would not be able to get to my things and that they were working to get a different co pilot who was already in our airport. Feeling a little ticked I took my seat in the terminal. That’s when the girl sitting across from me let out a scream.”
There was a rat running loose. I propped up my feet and got back on my phone. About an hour later they found a co pilot and we were off.
There was an ice storm in Des Moines that night… and on that little plane… I felt every bump and chip of ice that hit. Have you ever been in a situation where you are not sure if you are going to make it…. So you start praying and promising to God all the stuff you are going to do if he just delivers you out of the situation.
Me “OH LAWD… IM GOING TO CHANGE FAHTER GOD I’VE GOT A LOT MORE LIVING TO DO. FORGIVE ME FOR EVERY EVIL THOUGHT I’VE EVER HAD AND FOR WANTING TO CUT THE CO PILOT.”
But real talk God was on our side. We were the last flight for the next couple days to fly into Des Moines. That truly was a blessing.
My dad picked me up… in my car that I left behind. For some reason the passenger door does not open very well… and the radio/cd player no longer works.
Me “dad, what’s wrong with my car?”
Dad (chuckles) “This car is barely making it.” (why black people can’t return stuff like they found it?)
Me “Soooooo who is this wack boy ma has coming over for pizza tomorrow?”
Dad “He’s actually pretty cool… I don’t think you will think he is all that wack.”
Me (shaking my head in a disappointed tone) “you’ve done changed dad… you’ve done changed.”
The next day at 6pm
Mom (shouts out from the garage door) “JESSICA, WE ARE LEAVING! We’ll bring the pizza back around 8. He is coming over at 7.”
Me “YOU ARE LEAVING ME HERE WITH A STRANGER!”
Mom “You’ll be okay.”
Me “How irresponsible… what if he is a crazy molester!”
Mom “Whatever.”
She then looks me up and down
Mom “you are wearing that?”
I had on a plaid shirt and some jeans… not so much date night gear… but what does one wear to go on a date at their own kitchen table?
Me “I sure am! Am I over dressed? I was about to put on my old cheerleading hoodie I found in my closet.”
With that my parents left.
An hour passes… and this negro is not here. I know he did not stand me up at my house! Then my mom calls.
Mom “He just called me… he is dropping off his last kid and then he will be on his way.”
Me “Dropping off his last kid! HOW MANY DIFFERENT BABY MAMMAS DOES HE HAVE!”
Mom “Oh Jessica STOP IT! He works with delinquent kids and after their programs he takes a few of them home.”
Me “Oh… well can you come with my pizza please… I’m hungry.”
Another hour goes by… no dude… no food. I call my mom again and a few min later my parents come home with a pizza. My dad and I KILT that pizza! Leaving dude like 3 pieces. I then went to my room… shoot…. After all that pizza I had itis.
My doorbell rings. My mom then comes in my room talking about how she knows I don’t have the nerve to be sleeping. “He had the nerve to be like 2 hours late,” I said.
I opened the door. Hmm okay from the outside…. He’s not all that nerdy. I had to look at his shoes. Shoes tell me a lot. He had on black dress shoes… so he just came from work so I gave him a pass.
My dad comes upstairs.
Dad “What’s up Dre how you doin man!” dad then gives him what I call “the black man embrace.” You know…. The slap combo handshake that is followed by a lean in like it’s a hug… but it’s not a hug…… yall know what I’m talking about.
Okay so clearly he was cool with my dad. My mom comes down and gives dude a hug. This was getting awkward. How is this strange dude cool with my family?
When my parents left Dre and I started talking. Come to find out we knew some of the same people in Chicago and we lived near each other when I lived there (small world) . we like the same music and the same night spots. He also possessed a go getter mentality where he was willing to relocate to get ahead for his career (same with me) and he knew what he wanted out of life and had a plan to get there. Dre is pretty smart. Okay, Okay he was coo. Moms did okay. He asked if I played pool and I told him yea.
Dre “So you want to go play pool”
Me “okay sure, I don’t know where a pool hall is…. But they have tables at the bowling alley….”
Dre “Well are you good at bowling… let’s do that.”
Me “Im okay. I bowl about twice a year.”
We went to the bowling alley….. and he paid for it. (plus) But that’s not all. When he was telling the woman our names to input on the screen she wrote my name as “Jessie” Before I could even correct her… he did. “It’s Jessica.” Which made me wonder who tipped him off to the fact that I HATE being called Jessie. Most people would not have corrected it… I appreciated that he did.
The first four frames he smoked me. I had bowled all gutter balls. Then the voice of Ricky Bobby from Talladega Nights whispered to me “If you’re not first you’re last.” I’m very competitive and I just could not go out like that. For pretty much the rest of the game I had spares and strikes. The end score was like 72 to 110… I WON!!!!!!!
Usually I would have started doing the running man and shouted out in my Dave Chappelle voice “I BEAT CHA CHUMP! BOW DOWN!” but, I’m trying to be mellower.
Me “Good Game” (man that took a lot for me to say)
Dre “I guess… I just got smoked.”
Me “Don’t worry about it… It was just luck that I won. Usually I’m a terrible bowler” (I lied)
That night I was talking to one of my homeboys on the phone and he had this to say about my win.
Home Boy “You know fam aint gonna call you… he salty that he got beat on the first date.”
Me “Well if he’s gonna be like that about it… then I don’t need him to call me…. (in true Jessica form I started singing Alicia Keys) “I Am, A SUPERWOMAN… YES I AM…. YES SHE IS…..!”
Home Boy “Typical you. Why couldn’t you just let fam win! You had to bowl all over his manhood”
Me “ Are you still toasty about the fact that I beat you bowling… and in pool?”
Home Boy “Whatever G”
Well… the next day he DID call (please, I’m J Wils.. and if you don’t know now you know!) He was going out of town… he text when he got back (I hate technology) but by that time I started having all these back problems and did not get the chance to get back up with him.
Moral of the story. Give your parents a little more credit. You might just have fun. Oh and always stay true to yourself. I could have blown the bowling game… but if a guy can’t handle a boss… then he just is not the guy for me.
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