Want a job? Got a Headshot?

I am going to state the obvious. This economy is terrible. And in NY.... things are expensive for no reason. Apples are 2.99 per lb...one of those single serving containers of yogurt.... $1.05. Hell! RAMEN is like $2 a pack. I have become my worst nightmare… a coupon cutting fool! With these prices I have been forced to eat whatever is on sale at the grocery store for the week. This weeks special.... Campbells Soup and Motts Apple sauce. Now that's MMM MMM GOOD!

I need to boost the side hustles. A few months back I had an interview at American Apparel. For those of you who don't know... they sell spandex, tights, tees and leotards. Now I've had some crazy interviews in my day, but this BY FAR topped them all. The woman interviewing me looked like she would be the type to worship Marilyn Manson while picking her scabs and eating them. She spoke in this weird monotone voice… much like MTV cartoon character Daria. She led me to the dungeon of their flagship store where designers were creating t-shirts. We sat on a cement bench in the corner as I was trying to hear her over the sound of sewing machines.

Interview chick “Resume?"

Because I could see she wasn't going to... I extended her a handshake..... "Pleasure to meet you” I said.

I did not think I was going to need a resume to sell over priced dance gear... but I did happen to have one on me (only because one day I am hoping to run into Jay-Z).

Interview chick "write your name on this sheet of paper in big letters."

I did as I was told and wrote my name going horizontal in big letters across the sheet of paper

Interview chick "Now hold it up... and smile...or don’t… I don’t care what you do. I am going to take your picture."

me "Sort of like a mug shot?"

Interview chick "you can say that"

I know I looked extra confused in that picture.... why was she taking it?

Interview chick "Thanks for coming in have a nice day"

me "That's it?"

Interview chick "Yes. That is it."

me "sooooooooo when can I expect to hear back?"

Interview chick "If we want to extend an offer we will call in a week."

She then sort of waved me off like Meryl Streep’s character did everyone in the movie Devil Wears Prada.

Me “well… I look forward to hearing from you”.

That was the most superficial (and strangest) thing! I was not there trying to model for them. This was not an open casting call. I was there because I have retail and fashion experience (let's not forget my BA degree) and frankly I am more than qualified for a sales associate position with their store whether they feel that I fit into their standard of beauty or not! What happened to equal opportunity employment? Oh… and how dare they not extend me an offer! I KNOW I’M FLY! Shoot….