She's Just Not the Into You

(above pic from left to right. Random, My girl MJ, Me)

Ladies! Has the above Kodak moment ever happened to you? You are in the club with your girls, and a random dude jumps in the picture in attempt to get close. You flash him some serious “get away from us” side-eye… but he just does not seem to get it.

Last weekend my friend was throwing a house party/ game night. In walked some random crashers. As I was walking past one of them he grabbed my arm.

Random “Aye Ma, Let me take you to dinner.” (was he asking or stating?)

Me (as I remove his grip) “Ummm….. what’s your name?”

He said something like T-Rocka. I myself prefer government names.

Me “I have a boyfriend.” (translation: I’m so not interested that I am making up a fake man)

As I was walking away he says the classic line woman hear all the time after we signal not interested.

Random “You aint all that anyway.” (just cause you salty boo… don’t hate on my flyness… after all, you tried to get at me. Not the other way around)

I went and stood next to my home boy Laurent… my designated “man”.

Laurent “What just happened?”

Me “The guy over there with the gold teeth rockin the Puff Daddy and the Family era bubble coat drenched in Old Spice just asked me to dinner…. by grabbing my arm. He didn’t even introduce himself.”

Laurent (laughing) “And you turned it down??!! This is a recession and you are broke. You better take that free meal!” (A real friend is quick to remind you of your circumstance) “Aye she changed her mind!”

Laurent proceeds to act like he is going to pull me back over to Mr. T-Rocka.

Me “You better not!”

Fast forward to Monday. I was in Borders when I walked into a large crowd of middle aged black women. They seemed very excited to see someone.


“Hmmmm either Zhane, Tyler Perry, or Hill Harper must be doing a book signing,” I thought to myself.

Well… I was close. In walks Steve Harvey to promote his new book “Act Like A Lady Think Like a Man”.

Last time I saw him in person was in Chicago at his All Cream (cause white parties are over done) Grown and Sexy Bash (like that’s original). He had hair then (or a man lacefront…I forget what the man wig is called). I did not stay at the party long… I was the youngest person there…. Killin them in the Cupid Shuffle (someone remind me to blog about that another time) But ANYWAY back to my point.


Why do women insist on buying these how to guides? A few years ago I recall women flocking to the store to buy “If You Want Closure in Your Life Start with Your Legs: A Guide to Understand Men.” And let’s not forget the ever so popular book (although this one is funny) “He’s Just Not that Into You”.

Understanding the opposite sex is easy. It is simple and plain and there is no need to waste $19.99 for the information. If he’s not calling… he either does not like you, he is with his wife, or he and his boys were having a contest to see who could obtain the most numbers in the club that night. If she is not calling… she found someone else to talk to.

Ladies, we have to stop giving “the man” our money for these books and reading articles like “20 signs he has a crush on you”. And fellas… yall can’t press a girl all extra hard in the club and then yell at her when she is not interested. There is someone out there for you. So stop grabbing arms and jumping in pictures... and realize She's just not the into you!

Stay optimistic, reevaluate your type, and keep an open mind. There you go… relationship advice both sexes can use for free 99. But trust, the dude with the gold fronts will never get love here.