I like to do it big. So I kicked off my New Year in the emergency room. I’ve suffered with chronic back pain for a great majority of my life to the point where I’ve just learned to deal with it. I have scoliosis and my vertebrae are twisted off track which has caused my bones to rub away the cartilage… in other words the bones in my spine rub together when I move. Don’t feel bad… that’s part of the reason I have this famous “why in the hell do you walk like that” strut of mine.
January 2nd my parents wanted me to go pick out new glasses for them. They pretty much get a kick out of telling people “my daughter picked these out… she does fashion in New York.” My mom came into my room around 5:00pm and told me to get out of bed so I could get my Tim Gunn on for them. I hopped in the shower and as I was getting out the worst pain I have EVER experienced shot from my back down my legs. I fell to the ground and somehow managed to pull myself up on the toilet. 10 min later I got up and kind of walked out the pain. I went to the lens place and picked out some fly glasses for the parents and came home.
Around 10:45pm while lying in bed watching Sex and The City the pain shot down my back to my legs again. This time it was 10 times worse and I began to scream, but my mom was knocked out for the count and my dad was in the basement. I tried to get up and walk… but I couldn’t. Not being able to walk is one of the scariest things ever. It was like I had forgotten how. Then I started trying to diagnose myself “Oh NO!!!!!” I thought “I’m HAVING A STROKE!” I was trying to take this like a G…. but all I could do was cry.
I called the house phone from my cell and my mom heard the pain in my voice and came running into my room. She yelled out for my dad and the two of them put me back into bed. My dad went to get ready to take me to the emergency room as my mom managed to work a pair of sweat pants on over my basketball shorts.
Remember how the infamous character Handy Man from In Living Color walked? Imagine that with a touch of OJ Simpson walk… I was a hot mess and ugly faced like a mug from all the pain as I struggled to make it to the car.
I was too glad to be at the hospital.
Dad “ I’m going to go get you a wheelchair”
Me “ I’m too fly for that. I’ll just walk.” Even in the mist of my pain… I have PRIDE!
As I got to the ER desk to check in the nurse took one look at me and figured I was having back pain. I told her she was right. By this time my dad was standing next to me… it was a shame that he had parked and walked inside just as I made it to the counter.
Next thing I know the police are escorting in a boy who had just been in a fight
Boy “I have a broken jaw… I just got jumped!”
I turned to my dad “That’s his fault! Where were his friends! He’s not getting in front of me I’m in pain!”
The boy then turned to me. “Say something,” I said. (Sorry, but a dude who just got jumped really is not all that intimidating)
My dad and I stood there and starred down dude who was clearly in an Eastside/ trailer park bar fight.
That’s when we turned around and saw the emergency waiting room was PACKED with people escorted in by cops from fighting. It looked very Iowa State Fair in there. I think my dad and I were the only people not rockin WWE RAW professional wrestling jackets.
My back was getting worse from sitting in the chairs. Finally my name was called and I wobbled into a room.
Nurse “oh what pretty nail polish”
I was irritated. Usually I would milk a compliment… but now was not the time. I grunted out “thank you” and asked her politely to just keep it moving.
She tried to take my blood pressure with some machine… but it was broke. She tried about 4 times and I had had enough of her.
“WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST TAKE IT MANUALLY! YOU COULD HAVE HAD IT BY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
She stumbled around and found the blood pressure thingy and assured me she understood I was in pain and that they were working fast to get me a room.
Me “you mean to tell me that you saw me struggle to walk myself back here… all to take my blood pressure? YOU COULD HAVE DID THAT IN THE LOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
You could tell she was feeling really dumb… I would have if I were her. She offered to wheel me to my seat…. At this point… I had to set the wheelchair pride aside and take the ride.
While sitting next to my dad a lady looking like Brittnay Spears (K Fed-version when she was eating Cheetos and walking in gas station restrooms without her shoes) came walking in with 3 kids in their pj’s. They were wearing some monster/ Shrek slippers that made growling noises as they walked. When you are in pain… the last thing you want to hear is that noise as the kids are tearing through the lobby.
My dad and I sat there giving the lady the “WTF please get your kids” stare.
Lady “is there a problem with my kids”
Me “as a matter of fact will you tell their house shoes to Shut the Fu…”
My dad interrupted me with his laughter b/c he already knew I was about to go in hard on this lady. After all, apples don’t fall to hard from the tree. He told me to calm down and went to see how much longer the wait was going to be.
Lady (trying to get smart) “This is an emergency and I just told them to put on some shoes”
Me “funny they thought shoes meant house shoes… classy.”
Lady (starts talking all under her breath)
Me “My President is Black” (this had nothing to do with anything… I just felt the need to pull rank)
Lady then grabs her kids and moves.
More and more Eastside fighters where being escorted in by the police. Now I know you probably are asking me how I knew there were Eastsiders. The missing teeth is usually a give away, but a couple of them had on (and I’m not lying) shirts that said “PROUD EASTSIDER.”
Anyway, I was seen around 1 am.
My dad came back with me. I explained to the Dr. my situation.
Dr. “is there a chance you may be pregnant”
Me “no”
Dr. “are you sure”
Me “yes, I’m sure”
Dr. “Are you sexually active?”
Me “I’m NOT pregnant. I’m 1,000 % sure and stop trying to blast me in front of my dad!”
Dr “Do you smoke”
Me “no”
Dr “Drink”
Me “occasionally”
Dr. “What does that mean?”
Me “When there is an occasion to drink… such as if it is free I do so.”
(I could tell the Dr wanted to laugh at that)
Dr.“Street drugs?”
Me “Never”
Dr. “Pain level from 1-10”
Me “9.9”
He gives me a funny look
Me “I believe things could always be worse”
I was released at 3am. I had to get 3 shots in my booty (OUCH) an X-ray and was drugged up on vicodin. I’m still in a lot of pain. My stomach does not handle meds too well… so I was very sick this morning. My mom took me back to the DR who prescribed some stuff for people with cerebral palsy. He said my back is having severe spasms and should be cleared up in a couple days, but I have to get an MRI done to make sure that is it. I have had so many MRI’s done on my back and have been fighting surgery forever. But for now, I have been sentenced to my bed.
Back still hurts, nothing is on TV, so I just decided to pull out my laptop and write this note to kill some time while bumpin Kia “My Neck My Back”
January 2nd my parents wanted me to go pick out new glasses for them. They pretty much get a kick out of telling people “my daughter picked these out… she does fashion in New York.” My mom came into my room around 5:00pm and told me to get out of bed so I could get my Tim Gunn on for them. I hopped in the shower and as I was getting out the worst pain I have EVER experienced shot from my back down my legs. I fell to the ground and somehow managed to pull myself up on the toilet. 10 min later I got up and kind of walked out the pain. I went to the lens place and picked out some fly glasses for the parents and came home.
Around 10:45pm while lying in bed watching Sex and The City the pain shot down my back to my legs again. This time it was 10 times worse and I began to scream, but my mom was knocked out for the count and my dad was in the basement. I tried to get up and walk… but I couldn’t. Not being able to walk is one of the scariest things ever. It was like I had forgotten how. Then I started trying to diagnose myself “Oh NO!!!!!” I thought “I’m HAVING A STROKE!” I was trying to take this like a G…. but all I could do was cry.
I called the house phone from my cell and my mom heard the pain in my voice and came running into my room. She yelled out for my dad and the two of them put me back into bed. My dad went to get ready to take me to the emergency room as my mom managed to work a pair of sweat pants on over my basketball shorts.
Remember how the infamous character Handy Man from In Living Color walked? Imagine that with a touch of OJ Simpson walk… I was a hot mess and ugly faced like a mug from all the pain as I struggled to make it to the car.
I was too glad to be at the hospital.
Dad “ I’m going to go get you a wheelchair”
Me “ I’m too fly for that. I’ll just walk.” Even in the mist of my pain… I have PRIDE!
As I got to the ER desk to check in the nurse took one look at me and figured I was having back pain. I told her she was right. By this time my dad was standing next to me… it was a shame that he had parked and walked inside just as I made it to the counter.
Next thing I know the police are escorting in a boy who had just been in a fight
Boy “I have a broken jaw… I just got jumped!”
I turned to my dad “That’s his fault! Where were his friends! He’s not getting in front of me I’m in pain!”
The boy then turned to me. “Say something,” I said. (Sorry, but a dude who just got jumped really is not all that intimidating)
My dad and I stood there and starred down dude who was clearly in an Eastside/ trailer park bar fight.
That’s when we turned around and saw the emergency waiting room was PACKED with people escorted in by cops from fighting. It looked very Iowa State Fair in there. I think my dad and I were the only people not rockin WWE RAW professional wrestling jackets.
My back was getting worse from sitting in the chairs. Finally my name was called and I wobbled into a room.
Nurse “oh what pretty nail polish”
I was irritated. Usually I would milk a compliment… but now was not the time. I grunted out “thank you” and asked her politely to just keep it moving.
She tried to take my blood pressure with some machine… but it was broke. She tried about 4 times and I had had enough of her.
“WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST TAKE IT MANUALLY! YOU COULD HAVE HAD IT BY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
She stumbled around and found the blood pressure thingy and assured me she understood I was in pain and that they were working fast to get me a room.
Me “you mean to tell me that you saw me struggle to walk myself back here… all to take my blood pressure? YOU COULD HAVE DID THAT IN THE LOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
You could tell she was feeling really dumb… I would have if I were her. She offered to wheel me to my seat…. At this point… I had to set the wheelchair pride aside and take the ride.
While sitting next to my dad a lady looking like Brittnay Spears (K Fed-version when she was eating Cheetos and walking in gas station restrooms without her shoes) came walking in with 3 kids in their pj’s. They were wearing some monster/ Shrek slippers that made growling noises as they walked. When you are in pain… the last thing you want to hear is that noise as the kids are tearing through the lobby.
My dad and I sat there giving the lady the “WTF please get your kids” stare.
Lady “is there a problem with my kids”
Me “as a matter of fact will you tell their house shoes to Shut the Fu…”
My dad interrupted me with his laughter b/c he already knew I was about to go in hard on this lady. After all, apples don’t fall to hard from the tree. He told me to calm down and went to see how much longer the wait was going to be.
Lady (trying to get smart) “This is an emergency and I just told them to put on some shoes”
Me “funny they thought shoes meant house shoes… classy.”
Lady (starts talking all under her breath)
Me “My President is Black” (this had nothing to do with anything… I just felt the need to pull rank)
Lady then grabs her kids and moves.
More and more Eastside fighters where being escorted in by the police. Now I know you probably are asking me how I knew there were Eastsiders. The missing teeth is usually a give away, but a couple of them had on (and I’m not lying) shirts that said “PROUD EASTSIDER.”
Anyway, I was seen around 1 am.
My dad came back with me. I explained to the Dr. my situation.
Dr. “is there a chance you may be pregnant”
Me “no”
Dr. “are you sure”
Me “yes, I’m sure”
Dr. “Are you sexually active?”
Me “I’m NOT pregnant. I’m 1,000 % sure and stop trying to blast me in front of my dad!”
Dr “Do you smoke”
Me “no”
Dr “Drink”
Me “occasionally”
Dr. “What does that mean?”
Me “When there is an occasion to drink… such as if it is free I do so.”
(I could tell the Dr wanted to laugh at that)
Dr.“Street drugs?”
Me “Never”
Dr. “Pain level from 1-10”
Me “9.9”
He gives me a funny look
Me “I believe things could always be worse”
I was released at 3am. I had to get 3 shots in my booty (OUCH) an X-ray and was drugged up on vicodin. I’m still in a lot of pain. My stomach does not handle meds too well… so I was very sick this morning. My mom took me back to the DR who prescribed some stuff for people with cerebral palsy. He said my back is having severe spasms and should be cleared up in a couple days, but I have to get an MRI done to make sure that is it. I have had so many MRI’s done on my back and have been fighting surgery forever. But for now, I have been sentenced to my bed.
Back still hurts, nothing is on TV, so I just decided to pull out my laptop and write this note to kill some time while bumpin Kia “My Neck My Back”
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