Sweat Yo Perm Out

I’m the classic big sister. I used to make my brother give me all of his dimes… and I would give him nickels…. telling him they were worth more because they were bigger. I’d give him pennies for his quarters because pennies were “better” … they were a different color… making them “rare”. I bossed him around then… still do today. But in the end he is my biggest fan and I consider him to be my heart. The only person I would ever take a bullet for.

My brother is totally trusting of me… perhaps too much. He once told my mom he did not need to work hard in school because he knew I was going to make it big and he would share in my millions. You gotta love him!

2 weeks before he was about to graduate from high school I came home from college for the weekend. He was in the process of growing out his hair. It was the nappiest of a mess I’d ever seen! My mom was begging him to get a haircut, but you could not tell him his hair was not fly. Mom asked me to talk to him about it because she knew he would listen to me.

Me “You look grimey… and that’s not a compliment”

Brother “Your face is grimey… and that’s not a compliment” (if you have younger siblings… you know the comebacks are nothing but a repeat of what you said first)

Me “How about you let me twist your hair… now that would look off the chain!”

Brother “What are twists?”

Me “It would look like baby locks”

Brother “Okay, I’ll let you do it”

I ran upstairs and grabbed a small comb and some gel, but his hair was just too napp-a-fied and would not twist up.

Me “Let’s run to the beauty supply store and get some products to soften your hair so I can work my magic.”

We went all the way across town to the beauty supply store. In Iowa, the black hair care aisle in the drugstores only carries these items: do rag, blue magic, motions, oil sheen and “Just For Me” perm kit. It’s pathetic! So we had to go across town (it’s only a 17 min drive… but to us that’s across town) to get what I would need. We bought some S-curl stuff, bees wax, and some gel.

Once home I mixed all the stuff together in my hands and worked it into his hair.

Me “Okay, It’s getting more manageable all ready! Just tie it down tonight with your wave cap and it should be soft in the morning.”

My brother did as I said. The next morning I woke up to screams from my mom and my brother.

Mom “JESSICA!!!!!!!!! GET IN HERE! NOW!” (she was NOT happy)

Me “What did I do?”

Mom “Do you know what this S-Curl stuff is that you put in your brother’s hair?!!?!”

Me “Yeah, texturizer… like cream stuff to make it curly” (I said this all calm)

Mom “TEXTURIZER IS PERM! YOU LET YOUR BROTHER GO TO BED WITH PERM SITTING ON HIS HEAD ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!”

Me (starting to panic) “I did not know it was perm mom HONEST! I thought it was like Duke or Pink Oil Moisturizer!”

I myself can’t let perm sit on my head longer than 15 min without it burning. The fact that my brother SLEPT with it on his head all night…. Was AMAZING!

My mom then runs in the bathroom as my brother is in the shower. She starts dumping neutralizing shampoo on his head as he is yelling at her to get out of the bathroom.

Mom “Justin, make sure you get it all out! Is your scalp burning? Are you okay?”

Brother “I’m fine mom! I’M FINE! CAN I PLEASE JUST TAKE A SHOWER!”

Somehow, by me mixing the perm with the bees wax and gel cancelled out the burning. My parents and I waited in the kitchen for my brother to come down. When he finally did… let’s just say he was a HOTT MESS!

Dad (laughing so hard he is gasping for air) “YOU LOOK LIKE DON KING!”

Me (doing Don King impression) “ONLY IN AMERCIA!” (I often feel sorry that my brother and my mom were always subjected to the goofiness that is me and my dad)

After seeing that my brother’s health was not in jeopardy, my mom began to crack up too. Justin’s hair was afro in some parts, straight and silky in others… and some was missing in the back.

Mom “If you two were younger this would be one thing! But being 18 and 20 you all are too grown and know better than to be mixing chemicals! And Justin, you sat up there and let her do it! I guess you will always be the “know it all big sister” and you will be the “follower little brother”

Dad “I can’t believe you let Jessica play chemist in your hair!”

Brother (ignoring what was just said) “YOU DID THIS TO ME ON PURPOSE!” (Boy was he mad at me!)

Me (Dying with laughter) “You know, I didn’t. I honestly did not know that was perm. I’m not that evil! I am SOOOOO sorry!” (this was hard for him to believe since I was laughing… HARD)

With that my brother stormed out the house and went to get a haircut. He came back faded up… just the way my mom wanted her son to look on his graduation day.