By now you have probably noticed the train and the laundry mat are 2 places I do not like to spend much of my time. The last I must add to this list is Pathmark… the most ridiculous grocery store on the planet.
Let me set the scene. Imagine a store where the lines are wrapped around the store perimeter, shoppers curse out the cashiers, the fruit looks like someone bashed it with a stiletto, and you have to double check to make sure someone did not pre-open your chips. Oh and we must not forget the constant blasting of the Keyisha Cole CD over the PA system.
I experience some kind of drama every time I go. I once overheard this foolishness between a manager and employee.
Manager “When you get done with that please stock that shelf”
Employee “I DON’T COME TO WORK TO WORK!” (It took everything I had not to ask dude…. “then what the hell do you come to work to do?”)
Another time I was in the cereal aisle minding my own business when a woman of about 42 with a mustache thicker than Geraldo Rivera popped up in my face out of nowhere.
Mustache woman “Hey, how about you let me buy your stuff with my food stamps and then you give me the cash outside.”
Me “I’m good” (ummm first of all… that is a federal offence. Second, I’m supposed to give you hard earned cash for some stamps the government gives you for FREE? FALSE! TRY AGAIN!)
Mustache woman (with an attitude) “WHY NOT?!”
Me “Cause I don’t want to. Now if you would excuse me I need to continue shopping”
That’s when she did something I did not expect. She cursed me out like I just damned her mother!
Mustache woman “You hateful arrogant ass mutha fucka! Think you better than everyone else, you aint better than shit! In here thinking you the shit when you aint! Fuck you!.....”
She went on down the aisle screaming at me!
Last weekend I was in the frozen food section buying TV dinners and getting my jam on to the PA system (they were playing Busta “Arab Money”) when an older woman came up to me.
Woman “Are those on sale?”
Me “No, they aren’t ma’am.”
Woman “Are they filling?”
Me “They are okay… then again I snack a lot so….”
Woman “Well, why my dear? Do you not know how to cook?”
Me “I don’t cook (different than saying I can’t) … and these are fast… just pop them in and go.” (what’s with the 21 questions?)
Woman “You don’t have anyone to cook for?”
Me “Well, I guess not. I’m single… no kids…. These work for my life.”
Woman “That’s what’s wrong with you career girls these days! Poor baby don’t know how to cook. Pretty girl and single. Just sad. What a shame! (Did she really just try to HOE my life ???????? and in PUBLIC!)
It got worse…..
Woman “You know… life is nothing unless you have someone to share it with” (okay Billy D. Williams in the Diana Ross classic movie “Mahogany”)
Me “No disrespect, but I’m working hard in order to lay the foundation for my future family. Have a great day! And the mushroom pizza and enchiladas are my favorite meals. You wont be disappointed.”
Will someone from Bethal Missionary Baptist Church please come get Sista Jenkins and explain to her that nothing is wrong with getting an education and some work experience in before the family. And then ask her to find the scripture which says that eating TV dinners is a sin. All these trifling females out here and I’m the one she chooses to lecture.
Mind you… there was a woman in line damn near pistol whipping her kids for trying to help her sack the groceries.
Abusive mother “Stop touching Shit! I can’t stand you little fuckers!”
Kids “Mamma we just trying to help you!”
Abusive Mother “You can help by shutting the hell up!”
And that my friends is why I won’t be cooking for no one until I’m READY!
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