What You Say?

One evening I felt like picking an argument with my boyfriend (now ex) just for the fun of it. It had been bothering me that I had yet to meet his mom… so I picked a random night to voice my concerns.

Me “So… Why have I not met your mom?”

A.C. “Here we go. You don’t need to meet my moms.”

Me “Yes I do. You’ve met my family… and you even came to church with me so, you have met everyone who has ever had a hand in raising me…. What’s the deal? I’m not good enough to meet your mom?”

A.C. “It’s not that… my mom is just a little different… that’s all. I don’t know if you two will get along….”

Me “Is it because I’m black?”

A.C. “J! My father is black, my mom does not have a problem with black people.”

Me “Well, I’m the first black girl you’ve ever dated. I don’t get it. I practically live over here with you and your brothers… your son… I treat and love like he is my own…. I’ve even met your baby moms mother… so why can’t I meet your mom?”

A.C. “My son loves you, my brothers love you isn’t that enough?”

Me “Nope… cause it’s the women who really matter… I’ve yet to meet your sister too.”

A.C. “Okay I will arrange for you to meet my sister.”

Me “I’d rather meet your mom… and this relationship is not going any further until I do.”

A.C. (really upset with me) “Whatever. Can we finish watching What Not To Wear… I can’t believe you make me watch this BULL SHIT with you every Friday. If this does not show I love you… then I don’t know what would… cause I’m out here looking suspect.”

Me “What’s suspect is that I have not met your mom.”

A few min later A.C’s brothers come in. We were all the same age (A.C. was 4 years older than us).

Brother “Aye J! I have to run by my moms to pick something up… would you mind taking me over there?”

A.C. had sold his car a few weeks prior and I was the only one in the house with a car (and a licenses) so I was running everyone around.

Me “I’d LOVE to take you to your mom’s”

A.C. “J, give me your keys… I’ll take him.”

Me “I don’t let other people drive my car… it’s too risky.”

A.C. “You for real are just going to walk up in my mom’s house?”

Me “You know I’m not the one to sleep on an opportunity!”

A.C. was salty and refused to come with…. So his brother and I hopped in the car and drove over there. When we walked through the door… all eyes were on me. A.C’s sister… her boyfriend, their 2 kids, and a few cousins were there.

Brother “Mom! A.C’s girl is here!”

Moms “Tell her to come out on the deck.”

I walked out there to find A.C’s mom… lighting a blunt, drinking from a brown paper bag, and cursing everyone out. I now understood why he did not want me to meet her. We were brought up totally different…. And our moms… don’t even compare.

Moms “So you’re the rich girl A.C. is seeing… you’re cute.” (this was awkward)

Me “I’m rich in spirit ma’am… and that you for the compliment.”

She offered me a seat and we got to talking. A.C’s sister and 7 year old niece came to the deck to join us. We talked for about an hour and then ended up watching an episode of the Jamie Foxx show. By the time I left the whole family loved me!

7 yr old niece “Mom, I want to be like Jessica when I grow up… she’s really cool!” (I was loving this)

When I got back to A.C.’s he was on the phone

A.C. “Yes mom… I know she’s great… I won’t mess up… I was going to come with her, but she left me….yes down to earth….she knows she’s funny… smart… yes…..I was going to bring her by but she’s always busy…. Driven yes….. okay put Kevin on the phone…. What’s up cuz!... yea she was bold for going by herself… but that’s how she is…. I know man… I WON’T MESS UP! Yea… mom invited us over for dinner tomorrow.”

Me (beaming) “I take it my visit went well… what time is dinner?”

A.C. (laughing) “I underestimated you… I should have known you would not turn your nose up on my people. I can’t believe you watched Jamie Foxx and started cracking jokes.”

Me “Hey, remember something…. never be ashamed of your mom… at the end of the day she brought you into the world. And anyone who thinks they are too good to be around her… then they just are not the person for you.”

The next day at dinner the house was packed. Everyone was having a good time. A.C.’s mom made the best collard greens and mac and cheese I had ever tasted (I didn’t know white people even cooked greens). Then the phone rang.

Moms “I’m just over here… yea got a house full of niggas….” (DID SHE JUST SAY THAT?)

Everyone turned to look at me and A.C’s cousin… the only 2 “full” black people in the room. I turned to the cousin.. but he was too into his greens to care.

Moms “You have a problem Jessica?”

Me “No problem… can someone pass me the pepper?” (I was trying to let it slide)

Moms “I laid there and had all these nigga kids… so I have earned the right to say the word.

This was one of those moments in life I didn’t know what to say. I looked over at A.C…. who could tell I was really uncomfortable. He was giving me the “I hope we can continue to be together” look.

Moms “I said it in a joking tone Jess….”

Me “I know you did…. But it’s like…..”

A.C. “J, lets go”

Me (bracing myself to no longer have a boyfriend) “I come from a long line of child rearing black women. My mother was in labor with me for 28 hours… the dr.’s pronounced her dead to my father. She did more than carry me… and to this day she has never referred to me or my brother as a niggas. So, the fact that you feel you earned your right… your logic I have an issue with.”

The entire room got quiet.

Moms “A.C….”

A.C. “Before you get started she has a point…..”

Moms “Let me finish. This is the first girl you have ever brought in my house who has any kind of class and integrity. I like it! Jessica, you have earned my respect.”

I let out a huge breath of relief and everything in the house was poppin once again.

Moms (giving me a hug) “Wow, your mom must have had a tough labor.”

Me (laughing) “She is reminds me every time we get into it.”