You Aint Got NO Job!

I hate doing laundry. I will purchase new underwear to avoid loading up my cart, dragging it down the stairs of my 6th floor walkup and wheeling it down the street to the (get this) Peaches N Klean Laundry mat on 150th.

The laundry mat is usually packed and the machines are small. It costs 14 quarters to wash and 8 min per quarter to dry. It’s easy to spend half your check at the Peaches N Klean.

There is always a woman in there acting like she runs the joint. If you are familiar with Keyisha Cole’s mamma Frankie… imagine the Puerto Rican version of her. She is always barking out orders and talking crazy… thus adding to the reason I never want to wash clothes.

Woman (sounding like an army commander) “LINE UP ALL CARTS! CLEAN OUT THE TRAY! DON’T PUT DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE BASKETS! NOTHING BUT CLOTHING ON THE FOLDING TABLE! GET YO KIDS!”

All she says is true… but does she have to be so LOUD! She is always mopping and sweeping in the way of what you are trying to do. What makes it worse…. SHE DOES NOT EVEN WORK THERE!

You see… she is a random woman off the street who thinks she “works” at the Peaches N Klean! The actual employees love her because she does their job for them.

Today I got myself prayed up and went to do a load of laundry… I have 3 more, but I wanted to get in and get out.

Woman “LINE YOUR CART WITH THE REST OF THEM!”

Me “Can I load my clothes in the washing machine first?”

While my clothes were in the dryer I went to the corner store to take a quick break from her laundry drama. When I returned I sat down and began munching on a granola bar.

Woman “YOU CAN’T EAT THAT IN HERE!”

Mind you… there is not a sign saying “no food or drink” AND she was sitting down eating a plate of Ox tails from the Jamaican spot a few doors down.

I decided to ignore her and take a big bite in her face. I then put my i-pod on.

Woman (all huffy) “OH! YOU JUST GONNA IGNORE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY HUH? IS THAT WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO?”

The man sitting next to me saw my agitation… and me about to open my mouth to say something.

Man “Don’t do it my sista, don’t do it!”

Me “Does she realize she's not an employee?”

Man (Shaking his head) “Her pockets should know… cause there is no paycheck in there.... it's that stuff she's on”

Me (quoting the show Martin) “You Aint Got No Job TOMMY!”

We both laughed and I continued to listen to my music. Then I got to thinking…. this woman could be on to something. The Peaches N Klean might one day recognize her work and hire her. Hmmm perhaps I should just show up to a movie set one day and act like I’m in the movie and get discovered… and become rich and famous…. and then get my own reality show and clothing line…..

Hey, as my roomie says “girl, you better fake it till you make it!”