(I never thought I would one day be hating on Tocarra!)
The truth hurts and today I got bitch slapped by it! So my friend put some new pics up on facebook. There I was… looking extra overweight and sitting in front of a plate of pancakes smothered in syrup! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!!!!!! Now I know the real reason why dudes in the club have been calling me Jennifer Hudson! It's not because we are both brown with nice smiles.
I ran and got on the scale that I have been avoiding for quite sometime now…. My mom was right… I’m 20lbs heavier than I was this time last year! Damn.
The Dr. told me that my back problems could possibly be worse because of a rapid weight gain. I was told I needed to cut some lbs… but in the same sentence doc instructed not to do any cardio because of the way my bones rub together (lack of cartilage). How am I to drop weight and I cannot workout or lift anything over 30 lbs? So… I just tossed her advice to the left and have continued to eat my chips and salsa and watch TV all day.
My eating habits have been terrible… New York is the culinary capital of the WORLD! Between that… and my cheap diet which now consists of noodles and sauce (I refuse to call that ish spaghetti) 2 for a $1 honey buns, peanut butter, popcorn, fried chicken and waffles, cereal, candy… yea… I guess that’s the problem. I've killed my metabolism.
This afternoon my homegirl hit me up on g-chat.
Homie “We are all meeting at Virgil for happy hour… you coming?”
Me “I can’t drink, but I’ll come chill” (sober since Jan 1st... medication will do that lol)
Homie “ GREAT! I just put the pics up on facebook from last weekend”
Me “brb I’ll go look.”
That’s when I saw those Jessica McFatty pics. Looking a lil TOO happy to be at brunch.
Me “I CAN’T COME OUT!”
Home “LMAO, Why the change? What happened!”
Me “I’M GOING TO THE GYM! RIGHT NOW!”
With that I put computer to sleep. Threw some workout and shower stuff in a bag and went to the train. One reason I have not been working out is because my gym is on 33rd… right by where I used to live… I’ve been too lazy to go over there.
The gym has changed a lot since last July.
Me “May I have a towel please”
Trainer “We no longer do towel service” (damn recession!)
The truth hurts and today I got bitch slapped by it! So my friend put some new pics up on facebook. There I was… looking extra overweight and sitting in front of a plate of pancakes smothered in syrup! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!!!!!! Now I know the real reason why dudes in the club have been calling me Jennifer Hudson! It's not because we are both brown with nice smiles.
I ran and got on the scale that I have been avoiding for quite sometime now…. My mom was right… I’m 20lbs heavier than I was this time last year! Damn.
The Dr. told me that my back problems could possibly be worse because of a rapid weight gain. I was told I needed to cut some lbs… but in the same sentence doc instructed not to do any cardio because of the way my bones rub together (lack of cartilage). How am I to drop weight and I cannot workout or lift anything over 30 lbs? So… I just tossed her advice to the left and have continued to eat my chips and salsa and watch TV all day.
My eating habits have been terrible… New York is the culinary capital of the WORLD! Between that… and my cheap diet which now consists of noodles and sauce (I refuse to call that ish spaghetti) 2 for a $1 honey buns, peanut butter, popcorn, fried chicken and waffles, cereal, candy… yea… I guess that’s the problem. I've killed my metabolism.
This afternoon my homegirl hit me up on g-chat.
Homie “We are all meeting at Virgil for happy hour… you coming?”
Me “I can’t drink, but I’ll come chill” (sober since Jan 1st... medication will do that lol)
Homie “ GREAT! I just put the pics up on facebook from last weekend”
Me “brb I’ll go look.”
That’s when I saw those Jessica McFatty pics. Looking a lil TOO happy to be at brunch.
Me “I CAN’T COME OUT!”
Home “LMAO, Why the change? What happened!”
Me “I’M GOING TO THE GYM! RIGHT NOW!”
With that I put computer to sleep. Threw some workout and shower stuff in a bag and went to the train. One reason I have not been working out is because my gym is on 33rd… right by where I used to live… I’ve been too lazy to go over there.
The gym has changed a lot since last July.
Me “May I have a towel please”
Trainer “We no longer do towel service” (damn recession!)
Me “So then why has my membership fee not gone down?”
Trainer (Laughing) “I would not know”
Me “Well I’m going to need you to get someone who does!” (We always tryna get something for free LOL)
Trainer “You forreal?”
Me “As real as the Korean hair on Beyonce’s head!” (I love talking crazy!)
A manager came out and gave me the number to corporate. I will be calling to get a deduction on my membership first thing in the morning!
I’m in the worse shape of my life. After 30 min on the elliptical and an arm rotation on the weights… I WAS DONE!
So… this whole weight thing is NOTHING new to me. I’ve really been dealing with it since puberty. That’s why when people get on Oprah, Jessica Simpson, and Janet… I get offended because I know how hard it is… and I’m not a public figure.
Where to begin. Well, playing sports I was always told I would be faster if I did not have a booty. I danced from age 2-15… around 14 I noticed my teacher gradually moving me to the back…. the “big girl” row for ballet and point…. Then with jazz, tap, and funk… moved me back upfront. Around that same time my homeboys started referring to me as “thick”. I modeled in high school (print ads) and there was always an issue because I had a “chubby face”… being that some jobs I did not book based off my headshot because they did not realize my body was much smaller. In theater I had to lose weight so I would not always be cast as someones mom….. When I was pursuing broadcast journalism it was suggested I lose 10. Oh, and my mom is a health nut. Was I ever REALLY fat… NO, I’m just shaped like a black girl. And I have a sweet tooth. That’s all.
The one time I did “lose control” was my freshman year. Living in athlete housing I kicked it with the football players who were always inviting me to roll to eat at 2am. All those late night trips to waffle house and Whata Burger took its toll. Plus we had a Pizza Hut in the campus cafeteria… and the late night poker games where we played for candy instead of money. Most people gain the freshman 15…. well…. I put on the freshman 35. I’m an over achiever what can I say. It took most of sophomore year to get that off… and now… I’m in the same predicament yet again. But instead of doing crash diets, pills, or slim fast (sorry Dawniece after my slim fast binge to get into my cheerleading skirt… I can’t do it again) I’m actually going to workout and cut the access amounts of junk. Since graduating high school I’ve been everywhere from a size 15 (freshman year) to a 4 (graduated college at that. Yes, Asad, Meek, Dawniece, and Richelle you told me I looked a HOTT Crazy Mess that small... and I vow never to do that ish again!). 50 lbs of weight ups and downs since 2003.
Trainer (Laughing) “I would not know”
Me “Well I’m going to need you to get someone who does!” (We always tryna get something for free LOL)
Trainer “You forreal?”
Me “As real as the Korean hair on Beyonce’s head!” (I love talking crazy!)
A manager came out and gave me the number to corporate. I will be calling to get a deduction on my membership first thing in the morning!
I’m in the worse shape of my life. After 30 min on the elliptical and an arm rotation on the weights… I WAS DONE!
So… this whole weight thing is NOTHING new to me. I’ve really been dealing with it since puberty. That’s why when people get on Oprah, Jessica Simpson, and Janet… I get offended because I know how hard it is… and I’m not a public figure.
Where to begin. Well, playing sports I was always told I would be faster if I did not have a booty. I danced from age 2-15… around 14 I noticed my teacher gradually moving me to the back…. the “big girl” row for ballet and point…. Then with jazz, tap, and funk… moved me back upfront. Around that same time my homeboys started referring to me as “thick”. I modeled in high school (print ads) and there was always an issue because I had a “chubby face”… being that some jobs I did not book based off my headshot because they did not realize my body was much smaller. In theater I had to lose weight so I would not always be cast as someones mom….. When I was pursuing broadcast journalism it was suggested I lose 10. Oh, and my mom is a health nut. Was I ever REALLY fat… NO, I’m just shaped like a black girl. And I have a sweet tooth. That’s all.
The one time I did “lose control” was my freshman year. Living in athlete housing I kicked it with the football players who were always inviting me to roll to eat at 2am. All those late night trips to waffle house and Whata Burger took its toll. Plus we had a Pizza Hut in the campus cafeteria… and the late night poker games where we played for candy instead of money. Most people gain the freshman 15…. well…. I put on the freshman 35. I’m an over achiever what can I say. It took most of sophomore year to get that off… and now… I’m in the same predicament yet again. But instead of doing crash diets, pills, or slim fast (sorry Dawniece after my slim fast binge to get into my cheerleading skirt… I can’t do it again) I’m actually going to workout and cut the access amounts of junk. Since graduating high school I’ve been everywhere from a size 15 (freshman year) to a 4 (graduated college at that. Yes, Asad, Meek, Dawniece, and Richelle you told me I looked a HOTT Crazy Mess that small... and I vow never to do that ish again!). 50 lbs of weight ups and downs since 2003.
I know I’ve said I was going to start working out before… but by me actually taking the time to write this post and alert whoever reads this about something personal… I’m forreals!
This is not so much for cosmetics, but if in fact my back would feel better with some lbs off… then it’s for the best. Most people know I’ve been stressed out for the past year… and yes I do eat my feelings… but I’ve got to put the Crumbs cupcakes, fried calamari, Starbucks Rice Krispi Squares, and Sour Patch Watermelons down and take some responsibility for my actions. So if you are really my friend, please encourage me. If I decline to eat out… don’t take it personal. It’s only temporary until I gain control over my willpower again.
Health is important. I know I have a history of going crazy by limiting myself to certain food groups and working out hardcore… but honestly with the whole back thing… I have to take it slow. With that said I am on a track to a healthier me and I am doing this reasonably. 10 lbs by summer. I’ll worry about the other 10 later. Now I must try to get some sleep tonight. I have to get up early (10 am LOL) for Pilates.
Oh and to everyone on the 3 train today. I’m sorry. I now know to bring my own towel to the gym so I can shower. My funk was on a 100 million trillion!
(and don't try to run to facebook and look up pics... they are blocked! "I'm smarter than the average bear!") ;-)
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