Hood Rats+ Gun Shots = Drake Relays

(James wins top spot on my list of greatest mug shots of all time)

Drake Relays is the Midwest version of the Penn Relays or the Texas Relays. It’s the one time a year Des Moines, Iowa ever has parties or concerts. Back in the day the parties were dope and headliners like Nelly would come. Now in days the parties are boo and has been artists like Black Rob or one hit wonders like Lil Boosie come.

I actually attend the track events (most people hang outside to bee seen) because I was in track 6-12th grade and enjoy watching the sport. But as far as the parties and stuff… those days are long gone…for some reason Jr year of college I let someone drag me out.

The Val-Air Ballroom is the most hoodrat infested place on earth… and that is where the big party was. When I walked in my ex’s brother and his hoodlum cousins and friends were there.

Brother “J! You can’t speak no more?”

Me “Whatever, you know I’ll always have you.”

My ex’s brother was always in and out of juvey and I had made it my personal mission to get him on the right track. He had just turned 18 so the next time he messed up…. Off to be with the big dogs. He’s a pretty boy (looks just like the character Evan Ross plays in the movie ATL) … I don’t want to even imagine what would happen to him in the pen.

Me “Have you been going to school? You know I’m still tight with faculty up there and I’ll just call and ask.”

Brother “Yes mom, I’ve been going.”

Me “Loves ya babes!”

Brother “I love you too.”

With that I said what’s up to the rest of the felons and assumed my position in the section of the party for people who did not want to be there. I was actually having a good time talking to old friends who were really trying to do some stuff with their lives when the sound of gun shots polluted the air and everyone started screaming and running. I was knocked to the floor and out the corner of my eye I saw one of the hoodlum crew members stuffing a gun in his pocket and they took off. No one was seriously injured.

When I got outside I saw my ex’s brother being cuffed and put into the back of a squad car. I yelled out his name and he turned to look at me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a face look so scared.

My ex and I had not been on speaking terms for a couple of months… but now I had to set our beef aside… this was bigger than us. I called.

Me “ OMG A.C. !”

A.C. “ J! Are you at that party???!!!!”

Me “Yea, I’m here… your brother is being put in a squad car… with everyone that could possibly bail him out!”

A.C. “I know! I’m broke as hell! I got fired again from Subway.” (How the hell you get fired from making sandwiches? Cutting the six inches too big? He sucks at life!)

Me “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it. All the dope dealers yall know… I’ll get my money back by the end of the night. He needs to sit in there for a min though and let that mess set in. I’m going to run my girls home and then I’ll go to the jail.”

As I was taking my last friend home A.C’s ringtone went off on my phone. (Kelis’ “I Hate You so Much Right Now”)

Me “What’s up?”

Trick “Bitch I know you aint callin my man! I seen this number in his call history saved under “Love Dove!” (He’s never called me that corny ish to my face LOL)

Me “You must be mistaken coming at ME like this! I don’t know who you think you are and if that is your man then you need to ask him why I’m “Love Dove” in the phone. Take it up with him!

Next thing I hear is A.C. yelling in the background “Jessica she’s crazy! I don’t want her!”

Me “No! YOU are crazy for sitting there and letting her dial my number!”

I ended up having to pull over on the side of the road so I would not get in an accident as this trick and I had it out. I ended up getting hung up on. Then A.C’s mom called my phone.

Moms “Jessica Honey! That girl is a nobody! She is one of A.C’s sister’s friends who stalks him when he is over here. He does not even like her! Now he is upset and just took off walking. I don’t know where he went! Please come over here so we can settle all of this. I miss you!”

Me “A.C walking off is the least of your problems…. Your other son is sitting in jail right now. He was with Jere and all of them!”

Moms “MY BABY IS IN JAIL???!!!! TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!”

Me “I don’t know the logistics of it all, but I’m going down to the station to get him out. Hold up I’m getting another call.”

Operator “You have a collect call from the Polk Country Jail. Would you like to accept?”

Me “Yes”

Brother “JESSICA! YOU HAVE TO COME GET ME OUT!!!!!!!!! I didn’t mean no trouble!”

Me “You have no idea how mad I am right now. Between you, your brother, and some rat he had all up in the phone I am too through!”

Brother “Talisha? That girl is a runner! Anyway! You know you’ll get your money back tonight! Just please come and get me out! I’m too old now for juvey!” (lol remember when runner= hoe?)

I went and got A.C’s brother and took him over to his moms… A.C. was sitting outside when I pulled up… still trying to play like o’le girl was a “stalker”. I got out the car with my Waiting to Exhale game face on.

Me “I am not the one!”

A.C. “I KNOW! But she is a NOBODY! Look… She is not even here!”

Me “Only cause you knew I was coming over here with your brother. Why I am partaking in this ghetto ass drama I don’t even know!”

A.C. “BECAUSE THAT’S LOVE!”

Me “ OH HELL! What’s love got to do with it?”

A.C. “Can you chill out so we can have a conversation!”

Me “We have NOTHING to converse about!”

A.C. “I CAN’T STAND YOU! You are tripping and don’t even know the facts and won’t let me explain anything! You are a piece of work!”

Me “YOU JUST GOT FIRED FROM MAKING HOAGIES! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WORK! And I’ll tell you this… that’s not the first time you’ve had someone ring my phone. You got one more time and that’s not a threat it’s a promise!”

(By this time everyone in the house was outside ROLLIN at my Subway joke which only got A.C. even more heated)

With that I drove off. It would be another 3 months before A.C. and I would talk again. And yes, I got my bail money that night. As far as A.C.’s brother… I don’t know what he’s up to these days. But I’ll always have mad love for dude… I just hope he’s doing the right thing and hanging around the right people. NO MORE DRAKE RELAYS FOR ME…. EVER!!!!!!!!!